this post was submitted on 15 May 2025
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I think you're right, and I think the problem is that many people equate dominance with aggression, especially physical aggression, and even more especially abusive aggression. It can be really difficult to break someone of this misconception, and popular media (e.g. "Fifty Shades of Grey") really hasn't helped.
It is perfectly possible to be controlling with soft power (more of a straitjacket than a bludgeon) but this is more subtle and more difficult to portray in a visual format, regardless of the gender(s) of the characters involved. You're more likely to find what you're looking for in written format than visual, because written description handles subtlety better than video.
Subtlety requires time almost by default, and most forms of visual adult media are about quick gratification.
many people equate dominance with aggression, especially physical aggression
It is perfectly possible to be controlling with soft power (more of a straitjacket than a bludgeon) but this is more subtle and more difficult to portray in a visual format
These are really good points. Sometimes the line between a supposedly submissive act and the kind of soft dominance I'm into gets really blurred, and my brain exploits this ambiguity by creating a soft dominant narrative for it. Combined with the association between dominance and aggression, it's not clear that that "dominant" or "femdom" are good search terms for me to be using at all, because excluding it often leads to gentler dynamics. Often I find that what imagery I enjoy depends more on my subjective reinterpretation of it rather than what the creators originally intended for it to be.
By far the best I have is my own writing and imagination that convey the mood perfectly. That's how I was able to figure out what I was even attracted to in the first place. And now I find myself alone on this little island asking, "Am I truly the only one like this? How is it possible that with all of the weird and wacky stuff on the Internet, something as simple as this is nowhere to be found?"
I appreciate Rachel Pollack's commentary in 78 Degrees of Wisdom, on the Strength card for just this reason.
“a big cuddly woman spoiling her partner with affection and wrapping him up safe and snug with her body. She's totally in control, but she's devoting herself to her partner's enjoyment and making him feel completely loved and protected. She's effectively a protagonist, embodying strength, agency, and ultimate good” sounds like a mommy fetish tbh, replace partner with child and body with arms and it’s just a mom spending quality time with you
I really don’t want to believe this is what it actually is because of the shame and stigma, but I also can’t help but notice that it lines up perfectly with the fact that I was emotionally neglected in childhood and may never have experienced the things I’m attracted to…
A lot of mommy kink stuff weirds me out, though. I feel like I gravitate more towards “confident golden retriever best friend” types, perhaps because I don’t like the idea of an all-powerful dom partner and I want to take the lead sometimes too.
Portions of goth media portray this, I think. It's unfortunate your preference is literally called a mommy fetish though.
Honestly though, I'm free to call it whatever I want. My interests appear to revolve around physical affection itself and don't involve any kind of structured roleplay, whereas examples of "mommy" content I've seen involve a more disciplinary figure and actual age regression with adult diapers, baby bottles, etc. I'm not into that at all, so I should probably just define my interests in my own words to avoid the baggage of using labels.
I feel like this is somewhat a common characterization within WLW/lesbian spaces. A stronger, surer, but golden retriever of a woman is definitely something I've seen a lot of.
In terms of a hetero couple, though, that's a lot harder, especially within NSFW spaces. In terms of NSFW stuff, a lot of it is from a male gaze, so the potentially emasculating character of a protector woman I imagine is going to be extremely hard to find. Maybe look for genderbent things if you're looking for that specific likeness in a hetero relationship. I imagine there's probably a fair amount of that out there - but still probably more obscure. Like a female Superman and male Lois Lane would be something I imagine would fit what you're looking for? (For a lesbian version, Supergirl x Lena Luthor have a small but strong fanbase)
Good luck!
Uhhh...
What do you mean by "online media"?
NSFW sites, image boards, social media, fanfiction sites... basically anywhere people can post stuff.
I'm interested in the broader social phenomenon (or lack thereof) in general. Are there broader social or business reasons why content like this is so rare? Is it just the lack of a widely-used term that makes it hard to find dynamics like this? (Could siloing things into discrete labels be making it harder to find variety?) Things like that.
It does exist, but it's not common. My guess as to that its multifaceted. First and biggest is obviously sexism. Women are seen as weak and mean expected to take care of them. Anything other than this is taboo, and in more conservative areas, seen as wrong. The only reason it's at all accepted in kink is that its purely behind closed doors, so people get less chance to attack it. I also think that most women just enjoy the status quo. Whether this is because women like to be submissive, or just that people in general like to be submissive and women don't have to hide it is impossible to tell. Regardless, a lot of people are perfectly happy with the current expectations. Finally, I think its just momentum. It takes time for things to change.
If you do want to find more stuff like this, the main terms to look for are, "role reversal" for nuclear-family-esk relationships with reversed gender roles, "female led relationship" for generally more intense women in charge, or "gentle femdom" for more gentle and caring stuff, but more sex focused. As much as I hate to recommend it, Reddit is probably the best spot to look, seeing as there isn't really any other aggregators for something that niche and taboo.
Leslie Knope energy.
Idk much about it but do you know what “vores” are?