Yeah they are, its like the main part of their job. Some are just really shit at it.
this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2025
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Well, shit.
My parents served as an example of "what not to do".
I made a personal vow years ago, that i would never be what my dad was to me, to anybody else...
Your role models are your own. If you aren't modeling your behavior after your parents, then they aren't your role models, straight up. You may model certain behaviors from them, but not others.
Break it down a smidge. What role are you modeling? If you had a really good teacher in the past, and you use how they taught you to teach someone else, they are the role model for you when teaching someone, but they aren't your role model for something like how to treat your partners.
That's the neat thing about being your own person. You get to be who you want, treat people how you want. Your role models are who you want them to be. I would caution against being an asshole, though. Don't model asshole behavior.
Also parents can still be role models even if they are shit parents. You just flip the script from be like these people to a list of what not to do.
The fact you are asking this question shows great self awareness and that's half the battle right there.
I’m a father of 5 and it’s always in the front of my mind.
Modelling good behaviour is the most effective parenting method.
If they see you being a hypocrite and acting like an angry fool while trying to force them to be angels, they will just rebel against you.
I agree, because I was the kid who didn't have any respect for a hypocritical parent.
My mom did a very good job at teaching me that respect is something that is earned and THEN she taught me to think independently and stand up for myself. These are all things she was supposed to do of course. However she followed that up with becoming an alcoholic and crack addict who would leave me alone all the time so she could go party for days. Then was absolutely flabbergasted when I showed her that same level of respect and didn't follow her rules anymore.
I was in counseling and anger management and truly believed I was the problem at the time, but looking back now that I'm in my 30's, what did she expect? She's the one that taught me not to take any shit, and then she started giving me shit.
I’m sorry to hear that dude.
I’m glad you’ve been able to make some progress getting past the bullshit.
Some inadvertently succeed at being guides of what not to be
Supposed to be. From a pure animal point of view They're successful enough to have reproduced. Given that between them they make up your entire genetic composition, the wisest course of action is to emulate them.
Then human society got to a point where the bar for survival/reproduction is so low that it's not necessarily a good idea to emulate them.
Yes. But sometimes they aren't.
Sometimes they just serve as a warning.
They are, for better or worse. Kids learn to be people from the people around them. The only situation where your parents aren't role models is when they aren't around you, and that's a sort of role model in its own way.
Kids also learn from their peers, their mentors, their heroes, etc, so it's not like kids of shitty people are completely fucked.
Parents can be role models, if they are good or bad ones depends on who informs your perspective.
Well, it depends on what you think a role model is.
But, yeah, parents are supposed to be your fundamental guides into adulthood. That means at least partially teaching by example, which is what a role model is; someone in a role that you use as a living example of how to function in a specific or general situation.
Role models can lead by words, but words tend to be meaningless unless backed by matching behaviors. "Do as I say, not as I do" is very difficult to make work unless you're a completely negative role model. If you really suck at something, using yourself as a model of what not to do, that's actually valuable. But if it's more of a mix like most people are, the whole DAISNAID model of guidance fails.
That's not to say that perfection is required either. But it is how you act when you fuck up that's going to be most important, not what you say.
Parents fuck up. That's because humans fuck up. So, even if parents are incredible, you still don't want to rely on only them as a road map. Same with family in general. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, older siblings and cousins, you watch all of them and do your best to interpret how their choices could apply to your own life.
Age isn't a guarantee of wisdom. But experience does tend to be a great teacher, and the folks ahead of you in age can be a great source of options. Doesn't matter if they achieved the thing you're working towards, if what they did didn't work out, that's still useful.
So even a "bad" example can still end up benefiting you. Even the really shitty parents out there, once you realize that they're the same flawed and ignorant humans that have always existed, at least model things to avoid. The problem is how long it can take to realize your parents are just people, just regular people that had to navigate the same way you're trying to. Be patient with yourself as you figure that out.
You're "supposed" to have more than two. How could two people possibly form the representation of how you should act in every circumstance?