I thought the crowd favorite would've been Luigi, though I have no idea what the requirements are for being elected Pope.
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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Be male Be a roman catholic Get enough cardinals to vote for you
So you're saying Luigi has a chance?
For each of these requirements there's at least one Pope who didn't meet them.
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Dang I might have to change my vote
I'd vote for him
John Mastodon
Satan. I'm pretty sure he would greatly increase the morality and the accountability in the Catholic Church.
If nothing else he would send all the pedo preists to hell.
Accountability.
I think we should reelect Francis.
We just gotta set up one of those WH40K Golden thrones for him!
Guarantee they have something that's already halfway there tucked in a warehouse.
No no no. You aren't allowed to elect dead popes, just prosecute them.
The pope goes by AD&D druid rules. The new pope is the guy who killed the previous pope.
So it's J D Vance.
Last one was on the liberal side. Expect a hardcore, gay hating conservative this time.
I had read that Francis appointed 80% of the Cardinals who pick the new Pope. So it's possible that the new Pope will have similar views to Francis.
The pope elections always last long cause every man always votes for himself. Just like the pirate king of brethren court
Cue Musk with his lottery for votes.
I'd vote for Elon Musk as Popeking of Catholicism.
The same way Elon "improved" Twitter and the US Government, I would love it if he did the same for the Catholics.
Elon can't be trusted with a literal sovereign nation, but I guess between The Vatican and US... What's he gonna do with it, harbor predators?
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Trump! Make Trump the new Pope. That would be hilarious!
Do you think that is why JD Nonce was in the Vatican? To force the Pope into announcing Trump as his successor?
I heard he was there to kill him. Hence his death shortly after.
All the pope had to do to live was say thank you, but he didn't.
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Adam Savage
Yeah Danny sounds good. Or Jack Black would pope the hell out of that Vatican, literally.
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Screw it, I'll be the pope if that means I can release the records on their pedo priest protection program.
"You're the pope?? I didn't vote for you..."
- Benjamin Franklin, probably. Or whoever it was that said "Not everything quoted on the internet is real"
Honestly I don't care (well, beyond making this ~~pope~~ post), as I am not catholic. I am technically a protestant by heritage, but the truth is that I find even the term "agnostic" to be too religiously loaded to the point where I usually refer to myself as areligious instead.
As for the pope. Well, he's... there.. well, not right now. But he will be soon-ish. I'll just accept whoevers named announced while venting smoke from the cardinal thunderdome as being the new pope. And then he'll be there again.
Beyond that, he doesn't affect my life in any way. Nor do I affect his life in any way. Unless he accepts my challenge to an offroad and uphill car race. Yes, he's gonna have to drive the popemobile himself for this. I'll be driving my new AWD Lolvo. I'm sure it'll be fun for anyone involved, no matter who wins.
But having said all of that: I think Robbie Coltrane would do well as a pope.
I vote for whomever Francis had on mind (hopefully he discussed that before passing).
There's little chance of getting someone as decent as him.
Yes he had one candidate, if I understand correctly: Luis Antonio Tagle. He has a vision of a church adjacent to the poor and the working population in general though he seems regressive on LGBTQ. But going by the sign of times, it'll probably be Raymond Burke. I suppose Vance visited the Vatikan to pave his way.
Personally I concur Danny DeVito would totally be the man for the job. He would gonna get real weird with it and he certainly doesn't diddle kids.
John Oliver
Deadmau5.
The tapes of some of these Catholic hymns are getting kinda worn- let's get some fresh beats to liven things up. And a laser lightshow in St Peter's Basilica would help appeal to the "hip youths" ensuring a continued Catholic hegemony for the next century.
Lucien Greaves
Gilbert Gottfried
The guy who's already two thirds pope. Popeye of course! Popeye for Popey!
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I'm thinkin' Father Guido Sarducci will come outta nowhere and sprint to the win.
Resurrected harambe
Bill Burr
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