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I started putting the pieces together during the divorce. Several aliases were given when my lawyer looked into it. Lots of info came out a long while after, though.
Among other things, I found out that he had not been employed where he said he was for a long while, he lied about work "potlucks" in which he "was supposed to bring a dish or a cash donation for food" (he would tell me only an hour or so before these "events"), his therapy attendance, his mandate AA attendance (he had a sponser lie for him in exchange for god knows what), his family experience, his education background, his travels, where he acquired items & appliances, what happened to my pets, etc.
It got real dark. I ran into an old mutual friend after the divorce that I had not spoken to for a looong time. He asked what my ex had "ended up doing with the cat." I was shocked. My cat mysteriously went missing during our marriage, so I asked what he meant. He said that my ex came over and asked what he should do with "an annoying cat that kept coming to [our] house", and they had given advice about shelters and websites where he could give the cat away. There was never a cat that came to our house. Only my cat. I never saw him again.
That relationship was an actual psychological horror. There's soooo much more, but that's some of it.
Wow, that's horrifying. He sounds psychotic and psychological. That must be hard to come back from without permanent trust issues. I hope you're doing okay. Was it long ago?
It was around 6 years ago, at this point. I'm safe now.
I'm lucky he wasn't a smart man! Manipulation is one hell of a drug. Also, drugs are one hell of a drug! I finally initiated the divorce because he punched a hole in the wall. That wasn't the final straw.. it was actually me finding nearly 50 cans of duster (canned air) in the wall that did it.
Yeah, I'm not sure I ever "came back", unfortunately. Dealing with the aftermath is not fun.
But I'm happy to finally have a safe & stable environment of my own now. Peace is all I crave now. I'm fortunate to finally have some.
That really does sound like a nightmare. I'm glad you're in a better place now.
Is he still around doing his lying thing to other people m
Thank you.
He's around, but away from me. Hasn't had contact since I made it clear that I have a legal leg-up on him, so he can't continue to manipulate me. I think he's still with the woman he cheated with, so he's her problem now.
I sincerely hope that his life returns to him what he has given to others.