I don't fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I'm just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I'm a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn't hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I'm polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.
I'm not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I'm a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.
I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like "cute," "adorable," and "sweetheart," and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don't find it offensive or infantilizing at all.
Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It's rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.
This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I'm the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a "Christian" or "virgin" because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.
In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don't do "naughty" or "dominant"; I would view a partner's body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.
I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!
I am the exact same way. Good on you for acknowledging it and recognizing it. I love romcoms, Jane Austen movies are some of my favorites, and ffs I literally made and mod the Taylor Swift community here. I'm very straight, but also in touch with my own emotions. All of masculinity says that I would never find a woman and that I'm doing everything wrong.
Except I've been married and ina committed relationship for well over a decade now. My wife loves that I'm open with who I am. (I took her to the Eras tour!).
Toxic males are sexist in many ways, but one is that they think of women as single thinking people. That women want hot guys with fast cars, and that you'll never get one without. That's like saying that all men like playing dnd, or all men want to drive a big truck. It's asinine. There are over 4 billion women on this planet, and a good many of them do not care what kind of truck you have. In fact, most of them would think you wasted your money on it.