In advance, I was not sure where to post this; OffMyChest, NoStupidQuestions or here. Decided to do it here because it is mainly a question. However, I thought it do be better explaining it a little as well.
When I was younger, I could not really get the luxuries I wanted. Just like many others, my parents did not have heaps of wealth to spend. I did not have it bad, got a roof above my head, education, food and such. Parents would spend on luxuries if they could. My siblings usually bought the more expensive things (Atari, Nintendo, PS1 and PS2 etc). My parents did purchase PS4 and a decent gaming pc for me back in the day. One time my father told me ‘’if you just show that you are seriously studying and if money allows, I will get you anything in luxury. However, money is the boss’’ (money is the boss as in, only if we got enough money to spent for it and not get into financial issues).
Because of that I have learnt to live kind of frugal in terms of money (for myself). I find it hard to spend money on expensive things. It took months to purchase a great gaming PC and a Steam Deck (loving the heck of it though). However, spending money on my parents (mostly my mother) is no issue. I do it without a thinking, as long as I know it makes them happy.
Now, I always wanted a MacBook since I was a teenager. I can afford to get one, I saved up for it and will not have any financial issues. I budget ever since getting my job, everything is already set (saving up for car stuff, emergency funds for both myself and parents, pension saving and even saved up for new glasses for whenever that’s needed). Yet with all of that, I still feel not comfortable paying a lot for something that’s ‘’not necessary’’ and that’s just a ‘’luxury product’’. I feel like the money, I would spent for the MacBook could better be saved towards either emergency funds or car stuff (car theory exam, the car itself etc).
Now, I’m curious if other people deal (or have dealt) with this and what is this called? How to be more at ease with spending for fun instead of always being on edge.
Note: I checked the rules and it said this is not a support community but that seemed more related to tech-stuff. If it was also meant for this kind of question. Apologies, I will ask in another community.
With that first and last paragraph, in addition to your question, it sounds like you don't have the confidence to decide this purchase on your own.
Whereas spending money on car stuff, emergency funds or your parents must have been generally approved by whoever you fear consequences from. (looks like your father (or parents?) when you were a child)
You can obv. just go ahead and buy that MacBook, as a form of exposure therapy. Buy it, accept the potential fallout from that action and come out the other side with a MacBook.
If even small luxuries, like a small figurine make you anxious, you could search for something small you like and buy that first and 'work your way up'.
Alternatively you need to do the deep soul searching and process all those emotions around spending and saving money. Which future does your fear try to save you from? What happens to you, or your family, when you spend that money? Why do you budget (emotionally)? Why is spending money on family (luxuries?) ok? When is it not? What does a MacBook represent to you?