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I'm not going to pretend that I understand your culture, I don't. But I can understand the "child of immigrants" position in the world that we share. I just started a LOT longer ago.
And I won't belabour the point. I'll sum up.
They moved here because of what THEY wanted. They also want you to be eternally grateful and follow their example. Except, you are a person, too. So, if they can't see how glorious you can be, they can either watch you struggle with cognitive dissonance induced depression forever or they can let you grow, explore and find what you're great at.
For the record, I needed a clean break from my dad to be able to rebuild my life. He was the role in my life that was toxic in the same way you describe your mom. That was in 2005. Incidentally, part of my story also had me leave North America for over a decade. I spent some time in Korea and China while I was away.