this post was submitted on 15 Dec 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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Hi, so I have an ex-friend. Things used to go well with us, she was Korean-American and lesbian and talked a lot about the rights of minorities. She then turned to the “Trump side” and all her friends were conservative queer people who later realized they are or are pretending to be straight.

She cut me and a friend off, as did the rest of her friend group. She was racist towards Latinos and black people and was homophobic, calling herself one of the “good lesbians” and calling gay people “pervert queers”. She then started talking behind our backs according to another friend who later blocked them saying:

“Angel and [friend] made me so uncomfortable”
“Yeah, it’s probably because they’re autistic and weird”
“Yeah that must be it, autistic people make me uncomfortable”

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[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 21 points 17 hours ago (4 children)

I don't think those particular comments, in writing and devoid of tone, not meant for public distribution (and she's probably not running for political office or something justifying higher scrutiny), necessarily qualify as ableist per se, more skirting the line. I've said very dumb things in my youth and context is important, even in chat threads. But the rest of the picture you painted of that person is: asshole. So for my money it doesn't really matter if she ticked that particular box as well. Stay away.

[–] DomeGuy@lemmy.world 5 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Why should abelsim be given latitude that we wouldn't extend to racism, sexism, or anti-Semitism?

My opinion is that embarrassed bigotry in private is still bigotry. It's good that those with such feelings recognize the harm that they bring (or at least the public shaming that they can suffer), but it makes for a simpler life to just excise such hatreds whenever you can.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago

Context matters.

“Men make me uncomfortable.” Could or could not be sexist. It would depend on why one feels uncomfortable and how they act on that feeling.

It’s a very fine line.

Given the additional context provided by OP… yeah she’s definitely ableist.

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