this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2025
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You know.....birds are actually very intelligent. And some of them actually are very good at remembering faces.
Crows will even teach their young who they trust, and who to divebomb.
Now you may be thinking that I'm going to say that crows teach their young to poop on your car. But that's not true. Birds don't have a spincter. Which means they can't close their butthole.
Basically if a bird has to poop, there is a 100% chance they are pooping right now. So no. Birds cannot target you with their poop.
What they can do however is refuse to send you an invitation to the social event of the season. The "Going South Gala". Where we all gather at the park, and engage in random groupings of people to perform oral sex on each other while birds watch and rate our performances. And thats not even to speak of the grandest gathering of the year, The Grand Big Ball. We get 1000 guys, and 2000 girls. The girls group up, two to a guy. One girl on each ball. And they suck and lick, and compete with each other over who's the BJ queen.
Then the birds all rate the girls. The girl with the lowest score is then divebombed by all the birds until she's dead. What? You never heard of a murder of crows before? Oh what am I saying? You don't get to go to The Grand Big Ball!
Silly me!
*Throws hex wrench at you*
Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!
You can't dodge my never ending supply of hex wrenches forever!
They gotta learn how to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge
We need more of this sort of content in the fediverse; slightly mad, hinting at esoteric knowledge, and promising to lift the veil on hithro unknown worlds.
In short, I need to know more about the secret lives of high society avians.
Well it wouldn't be secret if we told you
Only a fkn bird would say that
The Gala's still alright I guess(even though it skews pretty old) but the Ball has been over-hyped for like 10 years now. The whole thing has gone corporate and the vibe isn't the same, fucking ads everywhere.
Name checks out