this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2025
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Me too! But after facing off with death twice, arguably three times, and having saved my own ass with no help, I got perspective.
The end is scary as all hell, but not so bad as one might imagine. Your brain locks in, searches for any possible solution. You've never thought faster! But there's a certain, and weird, sort of calming thing I can't describe.
"Welp. This is it. This is how I go out. Done here. But what if I..." And that's it. You either win or lose the "what if I..." gambit. If you win, man, what a feeling! If you lose, meh, you'll have no idea you lost.
I'm a panicky little bitch, first wife called me her "nervous little Chihuahua". (Also called me her "gay husband who likes pussy". Spot on!) But faced with certain death, not, "Oh my god that car wreck could have killed me if I hadn't dodged!", but certain death by electrocution or drowning, no one around, meh, there's a calm I can't describe. Do or die. Pick one.
Most grateful to have faced all that. Not so panicky anymore. Maybe a little...
One time I was at my shitty camp in the swamp, thought I might be having a heart attack. Sat down to chill and thought, "Well. Not such a bad way to die. Nice day! Beats a shit-stained hospital bed. Look! An osprey!" (Spoiler: I didn't die.)
No making true peace with the reaper, not for me anyway, I want to live forever and FOMO is my main fear! But a bajillion other humans have faced it, I can too. But what do we say to Death?