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Things are way better now! I was getting pretty depressed, and struggled with suicidal ideation. Had a plan, and a redundant backup plan in case the first one didn't turn out to be fatal, but then randomly decided to try an extreme change in lifestyle so I enlisted into the Air Force on kind of a whim. Was always opposed to military cuz of the whole killing innocent people thing... figured if they put me that kind of position I'd just refuse (gave absolutely zero fucks back then) or worse case I'd just go back to plan A and kill myself instead.
Didn't have to find out though: got lucky and they made me a medic (surgical tech specifically). And hugely: access to actual healthcare, to include mental!
Got the fuck out as soon as my enlistment was up, and I've been working as a civilian surgical tech ever since, which has me up to $24/hr. Actually not broke anymore, which still feels kinda weird. Using my GI Bill to go to nursing school right now, so soonish I'll looking at another income bump, but I'm already making enough to at least eat healthy... you don't realize how shitty you just always feel at baseline when your diet consists of carbs and whatever you can find on the clearance rack.
I see a lot of my classmates with that with that same kind of "aw fuck" expression on their face when they see the price tag on the hospital cafeteria food at our clinical rotations, so I've been pretty quick to buy their meal and tell em to pay it forward when they're a 'rich' nurse lol. 😝
But yeah, it sucks absolute balls to be poor. I will never let myself forget what that's like.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad is going better now, and wish you luck for the next pay bump too! (God, what a horrible system, having to bet on joining the military… sorry you had to go through that)
First off, holy hell that last comment was absolutely obliterated by auto-correct and brain-farts. I am so sorry you had to suffer that before I noticed and made some desperately needed edits, lol.
...and yeah military was definitely a risk, that I honestly didn't expect to end well, but at that point, "what's the worst that could happen?" didn't really phase me, cuz I was actively planning for the worst to happen.
I got super lucky.