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I'm trans. Cis people literally can never truly understand my experience or why the things that are important to me are important. Acceptance can't be contingent on understanding they can never have.

Neopronouns are the same. You can work on your own understanding to reduce your discomfort but your discomfort should be your problem, not something you get to force on to others

Was it dismissing or just not understanding?

Some folk require understanding before they offer acceptance. Those folk will frame it as “just not understanding”. I frame that as lack of acceptance. Acceptance isn’t contingent on understanding. You or I not understanding an aspect of someone elses identity has nothing to do with the validity of their identity.

If you wish to ask someone questions about their pronouns and identity, you’re welcome to do so, but remember they don’t owe you an answer, and whether they offer you an answer or not, and whether you understand their perspective or not, either way, gatekeeping and invalidating their identity is not on.

they are so uncomfortable to use that it just makes me not want to address someone who uses them

That was the other option I offered folk. If someone has stated their pronouns, either use them, or if you can’t bring yourself to use them, don’t engage with the person.

If the person is trolling, report them. But even if they’re trolling, the above statement still stands. Respect their pronouns or don’t engage with them as you report them.

That's an instance ban. Instance bans automatically issue community bans for local communities the user has been active in.

No one was banned for not rembering drags pronouns or for accidentally getting them wrong.

People were banned for dismissing the validity of neopronouns or for deliberately and repeatedly getting pronouns wrong.

Gotosocial has a setting in development that is designed to baffle bots that don't respect robots.txt. FediDB didn't know about that feature and thought gotosocial was trying to inflate their stats.

In the arguments that went back and forth between the devs of the apps involved, it turns out that FediDB was ignoring robots.txt. ie, it was badly behaved

Blahaj.zone has disabled downvotes, so at least that part can't be weaponised against folk on our instance.

As for the rest of it, yeah, lemmy is better than reddit, but it did get a lot of users from reddit, so its still closer to reddit culture than I'd like. But, it's also got a lot of better aspects than reddit ever did, and hopefully that trend will continue

They very much are...

Because stirring up hate against vulnerable minorities, by positioning them as a threat is a well tested and effective technique for the power hungry to gain and retain power. And it's effective, because it works by pulling people in and making all of the conversation about whether or not it's right to hate on the group they're targeting.

I have a couple of married friends. Both trans guys. They tried to adopt, and their options for surrogacy all fell through. So one of them carried their daughter. He didn't want to do it, but they were out of other options, so he did.

He wasn't "female whilst pregnant". He wasn't a mum, a mum to be, a pregnant woman, or any other term like that. He was a pregnant man, or when needed for clarity, a pregnant transgender man.

I'd ban you too, in a heartbeat, if you brought any of that bullshit in to a trans or queer sub that I moderate.

You having a trans kid doesn't give you permission to walk all over the voices and experiences of trans people trying to navigate pregnancy