everything you listed is mainstream sex culture. I think you're confusing mainstream culture with hollywood depictions of it. the problem with that is that hollywood exists to sell you a product, they only care if that depiction is a healthy one if they can't make more money by depicting something problematic or unrealistic.
this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2025
26 points (90.6% liked)
Ask Lemmy
36000 readers
681 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
what are you smoking? mainstream culture is about emotional sex connection.
unless you're talking about porn or something?
the vast majority of people have few sex partners. very few people have high partner counts... they are just a lot more vocal about it so there is make a lot more noise than the average person who only sleeps with like 4 people in their lifetime and gets married.
you perception of reality is very distorted, probably because of your reliance on social media which is full of the 'loud and proud' types who go on and talk about sleeping with 100s of people as if it's normal.
what are you smoking?
Emotional abuse, isolation, and mainstream porn lol.
I was gaslighted by my family into believing that I was fundamentally different from everyone else and didn't fit in, so I socially isolated myself in childhood and basically got my sex ed from slop porn, which further compounded the feelings that something was wrong with me and I didn't belong.
I'm working to challenge those beliefs by coming up with more positive theories, then asking online to test the waters, and finally asking people in real life to see if the consensus changes. So far, this has helped me to recognize that I have been living in a delusional solipsistic bubble that not even my own abusers recognize anymore.
It's been helping me a lot. Things keep getting better because I'm questioning all of the assumptions that make me feel defeated and hopeless. I've never been so happy to be wrong about everything. Thanks for the feedback.
i too have recently escaped a bubble i somewhat inadvertently put myself into with help from others, it is a...weird...feeling joining the world again.
kinda been an otaku for the last decade or so i think
That's a great journey you're on. Takes a lot of guts to re-evaluate our worldview, even when the old one is making us miserable.
I think there's a way that society represents "what sex is" that is very different from most people's experience of it. For various reasons, Hollywood/advertising/porn all promote skinny and heavily made up women. And even if they find those kinds of actresses or models hot on the screen, that's not the kinds of women most men actually crush on.
The reality is most people have a fairly limited number of sexual relationships, and they're often with people who do not meet some abstract societal idea of 'hotness'. A lot of the time people are attracted to people because they like them, and they have good chemistry. Sometimes it's more of a 'type' or whatever (knew a guy who was really into short girls, and then I met his tiny mother...)
Same with relationships or sex or whatever. People learn a bunch of expectations and assumptions growing up, and then as theynget older they realise that most people don't actually fit that arbitary standard. Sure, some guysnare horny all the time and just want emotionless sex, and so do some women. But it's not as 'normal' as some media would suggest.
Nah it's not that rare.
If i like you, i think you're cute as hell. If you're an asshole, there's no amount of muscles or haircuts that will make you attractive.
Being heterosexual myself, I get what this can be like for some. For my case, I'd rather connection than straight up whoopie. That's just me, though.
I know some that have that