this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2025
269 points (99.3% liked)

Not The Onion

18900 readers
2188 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 45 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 62 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hardly surprising coming from a nation where a third of you think dogs can get autism and about half can't read good

[–] watson@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (3 children)

The difference between the US and Europe in this regard is that Europeans are a bit more discreet with their crazy people. EU have 3 times the population as the United States does, obviously they’re gonna have ~3 times more crazy people than we do. They just don’t talk much about it, while, in the US, the crazy people refuse to shut the fuck up

Edit: I mistakingly used EU instead of Europe when referring to a population of around 750 million. The EU does not have that population, but Europe, generally speaking, it does. That was my mistake.

Edit: yikes, a lot of crazy people disagree with me

[–] 2910000@lemmy.world 22 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

EU vs US population

EU ~450 million, US ~350 million

[–] BruisedMoose@piefed.social 22 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

We also don't math too gooder.

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 1 points 16 hours ago

I feel like people are just doing this now to annoy the person who commented on that one comment

[–] watson@lemmy.world 7 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (1 children)

I was thinking of the population of all of Europe, not just the EU. And I tend to use Europe and EU interchangeably. I probably shouldn’t do that.

[–] warm@kbin.earth 12 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

Not your fault. Both are valid abbreviations for each other. Only E.U. would actually be concrete, but...

Saying the EU should be the European Union. Whereas just EU should signify Europe as you wouldnt say the Europe.

The context here made it obvious you meant Europe though, dont know how people missed that.

[–] watson@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago

I think the EU is a beautiful thing, and sometimes I forget that not all of Europe agrees with me.

[–] 2910000@lemmy.world 0 points 22 hours ago

I assumed OP either did a typo or wasn't a native English speaker

I have not encountered anyone referring to geographical Europe as "EU" before, that would be confusing!

[–] CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (2 children)

Education makes a tremendous difference. Americans have mentally ill people probably at the same rate as EU, but also has ignorant people and that’s where the difference is made up. If you travel 3 hrs in USA, you’ll find the same culture. If you travel 3 hrs in Europe, you’ll be in a different culture altogether.

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 1 points 16 hours ago

clicks on post

"hmm this is interesting wonder what people have to say about this"

scrolls

the people

"y'know people are crazy y'all don't know how to read your pronouncation is wrong that's the wrong word that's not right there's like 4586k people there how about being mental huh we're just quiet Americans suck"

sighs

"how did this even come to this bro..?!"

[–] atomicbocks@sh.itjust.works -1 points 18 hours ago

Culture doesn’t have anything to do with intelligence. Also, no, driving 3 hours in the US will definitely get you to a different culture, likely a different accent even. It takes 3.5 hours to get from NYC to Boston…

[–] falseWhite@lemmy.world 9 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (2 children)

Crazy vs. uneducated. Two different things. Not being able to read or not knowing how vaccines work is not a crazy person thing, it's an uneducated person thing.

The education in the EU is better AND it's free. That's why there are less dumb people who are anti-vaxers and can't read.

They are not more discreet. They actually just have better educated people.

Being better education also helps deal with mental health issues in addition to having free healthcare (although it's lacking in the mental health department), so less people are actually going crazy and doing things like school shootings or voting for a rapist in the presidential elections.

It's all education.

[–] warm@kbin.earth 4 points 22 hours ago

Less, but still dumb and crazy enough that fascism is allowed to get a foothold again.

[–] muffedtrims@lemmy.world 5 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

half can't read good

It should be 'read well', not good. 'Good' is an adjective and is always used with a noun. 'Well' is an adverb and is used to modify a verb, adverb or another adjective and answers the question 'how?'. Since the verb is 'read' it would need the adverb 'well' to modify the verb.

[–] patxi@mastodon.world 3 points 15 hours ago (2 children)
[–] muffedtrims@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

I have no time to watch it now, apparently I am too concerned with my dog's autism.

[–] axexrx@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

I n eas hoping you just linked the whole movie for a minute.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago

Unidan? In MY lemmy?

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

Congratulations on missing the point

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 10 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

That happens when the writer ain’t write good

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

proceeds to tell you that the way you used the words isn't right, your grammar isn't right, your spelling isn't right, the way you eat cereal isn't right, the way you drive isn't right, the way you speak to your mom isn't right, the way you dealt with that situation isn't right, and your whole existence isn't existing right

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago

Look, your mom deserves a break, that’s all. She put up with you for years when you couldn’t even feed yourself.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip -3 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

You are criticizing people’s reading while you are writing poorly. I think you are missing the point.

EDIT: Oh I guess I am missing the point? Didn’t recognize the reference.

[–] dajoho@sh.itjust.works 4 points 15 hours ago

It's a satirical pop-culture reference to a scene from the movie Zoolander and completely intentional.

[–] hibernative_naptosis@feddit.uk 22 points 21 hours ago

We've all been there

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 day ago

Worst season finale, ever.

[–] TherapyGary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 19 hours ago
[–] axexrx@lemmy.world 15 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Our town had the case of the time traveling chef.

Im from a small vacation resort town with a strong historical theme to it. Its a beach town, with many seasonal workers coming in for the summer.

One of these, a chef, was new in town, and ate some magic mushrooms, and decided to go for a walk. He dipped into the woods, and came out the other side tripping, in the old historic district. It was also like 3 am, and there were no cars on the road. Apparently, his phone battery died somewhere allong the walk.

Fron this, he surmised he must have traveled back in time to the 1800s, and realized his money was no good, because it was dated in the future. So he decided to start walking home, hoping his house still (used to?) Exist.

Eventually his walk took him by a driveway, with a taxi parked in it, still running, with the lights on. He decided that the cab must have fallen through whatever temporal anomaly had brought him there, and decides to drive it back home. Which he does successfully, and falls asleep.

He wakes up the next morning to police, let in by his coworkers, whove found the cab which was obviously reported stolen. (The owner had apparently stopped at home for a quick minute mid shift, in a town where thats absolutely safe enough to leave you're keys in your car for a moment)

He gets charged, gets a court date. Shows up court, figures he was caught red handed, and decides to just be honest, and tells them that story, eith the exception of changing magic mushrooms to 'bad truffles' i a thinly disguised attempt to not self incriminate.

Judge is laughing, cabbie is laughing. They agree to drop all charges in exchange for restitution (something like $500, as though he had 'rented' the cab for 12 hours) court fees, and the agreement that he 'find supervision for any future mycological endeavors'

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 6 points 12 hours ago

what a magically glorious story

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 12 points 18 hours ago

The burden of proof is on the prosecution. They have to show he didn't.

[–] Jimjim@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago

I believe him.

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago

nah bro the mods have gotta fix this these ai NPCs are getting out of hand

[–] xc2215x@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago

Teleported ? What in the world ?

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world -1 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Florida: [Alcoholic bath salts devourer hits wall.]

EuroLemmy: Americans don’t believe in mental health

Americans: [Grind jaws, sniff reflexively]

[–] moncharleskey@lemmy.zip 3 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Uuuuh, what are you talking about?

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 points 16 hours ago

[Nonsensical jargon]