Ask Lemmy

hopped on the local metro transport at like 6am. I sit down and try to not make eye contact with anyone and the smell hits me first.

dude like two seats down is passed the fuck out, dick in hand, legs stretched out, and he's just shitting all over himself and the seat.

security comes over and tries to wake him up. they get loud and kinda rough with the guy. no response. they check for pulse. he ded. he big ded.

dude must have died mid stroke at some point in the morning commute and his bowels released soon after.

drugs are bad m'kay.

On my once a year trip on mass transit, someone came on, so hammered/high they proceeded to vomit up the thickest, most gooey, florescent yellow-green puke I have ever seen. They did this 2 or 3 times before getting off and stumbling home.

I have no idea what was in their stomach, but it for sure wanted out. I just felt for the poor soul having to clean it up.

Guy gets on bus, sits down, starts playing music from his phone's speaker. Plays "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off," while simultaneously launching into a recitation of the Lord's Prayer on repeat.

We Don't Have to...

I was on the escalator coming up out of one of Washington D.C.'s Metro stations when the guy ahead of me reached the top, stepped to the side, then squatted down and pissed his pants.

And people wonder why a lot of folks are uncomfortable on public transportation.

I was excited to ride on public transportation for the first time and immediately people were doing drugs right next to me and babbling incoherently. Yep, no, I'm good.

Nothing crazy really. I ride the train that's also a connection to one of the biggest asylum centres for immigrants, so of course, because foreign people scary, there's loads of extra security.

The only few times I've actually seen something they were needed for, it was never the immigrants. Once I saw a white guy wailing on someone who looked foreign, took a good while for security to actually step in and do something.

A different time, some guy was just being a nuisance and didn't want to get on or off the train or something. Two of these security people got involved, both a lot bigger than the guy, but they struggled a lot to get him down and cuffed. The guy almost got up and fled a few times.

So that got me really feeling confident in this security... (/s of course)

Maybe not the "craziest", but I remember being a kid and on the NYC subway, a bunch of dudes were just like... doing "steet performance" stuff... like on the subway... like they'd while moving from one subway cart to another subway cart (is that what it's called, idk the terminology), like through the train connection thing while the subway was in motion, like a group of 4-5 guys, one went around, begging for money, which I thought at the time was a robbery, like, for context, I was around 8-12 at the time, I literally just came to this country, I was just so "wtf" about the whole situation. Like what the fuck was that. Like... I don't wanna be racist about this... but I'm Asian, and those dudes were not, so you know... me being a kid, I got even more scared about it. I just kinda leaned on my mom sitting right next to me and like hugged cuz I felt so scared.

No it wasn't really a robbery, but like... I was just so fucking confused at the time. What the fuck what that? Then like 10 minutes later, they moved to a different subway cart. It felt like 30 minutes to me lol. And like I don't think we ever were at a stop, since I think this was like those segments where it takes forever between 2 stops, probably the manhattan bridge section of the D train or N train, which takes forever.

Like can you imagine being a kid and a bunch of dudes are causing a scene for some reason you don't understand?

Also I remember this other time where I'm sure it was the D line, and like I went on this subway cart where it was empty. Like you know NYC always crowded af and no seats, and I always hated standing as a kid. So my mom and I picked this subway car that was apparantly empty. So then the doors close behind us and then we noticed a smell, then we notices some homeless looking dude on the other corner of the subway cart. And like the smell was coming from the homeless dude. (No offense to homeless people btw, but I'm describing this memory from a kid-me's perspective so keep that in mind) So it got really uncomfortable in there, but the doors closed and train already got moving. But the next stop was like 10 minutes away (one of the sections where they skip like 3 stops on the express track), so we just had to bear with the dumpster like smell and also the potential danger of dude just waking up and attacking us.

I thought about just hopping between the carts using the doorway thing (if you know what I'm talking about), but there was a sign warning not to move through doors while train is moving and my mom said no, its too dangerous, so we just stayed in that cart for 10 agonizing minutes.

Actually, current-me might've been actually been more freaked out by it since I have germophobia now. That's why I kinda hate public transit nowadays.

Somebody jumped in front of the train. I only caught it out of the corner of my eye and I thought it was a suitcase at first. I couldn't fathom that it could be a person. I actually got on the train but when it didn't move it dawned on me what had happened and then someone else confirmed it. Everyone just stared at each other in disbelief and then we all silently excited and went on about our way. Fuck, I completely forgot about that.

Weirdly, when I finally got to my destination there was a nun on a stretcher being rolled out of the building by EMTs. Strange day.

A singing and commentating bus driver! :-)

A woman jumped while I was waiting for the train at my home station. It wasn't pretty...

Two things come to mind:

• Subway rolls up with an empty car and I was like, "these fools aren't on this sweet-ass empty car!!?!?"... yeah, dude taking a shit.
• Another being on the A Train, express, and stuck with mariachi band at full-tilt in a convenient 10-15min gap between stops.
• And one time we were the entertainment! Had to get the tree back to the apt, dragged that shit onto the train.