this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 38 comments
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[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 59 points 2 days ago (4 children)

time to place a poster and start watching drywall repair diy videos

[–] spicytuna62@lemmy.world 48 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I've got just the poster. Nobody will ever suspect there's a hole back there.

collapsed inline media

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

That's lathe and plaster baby. Get good at finishing work if you ever want it to look right.

[–] khepri@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Good luck, that shit is lathe-and-plaster not drywall haha

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

You might be able to tell them you were stupidly jumping on your bed, like a child, and fell into the wall.

Depending on what your parents think of you, this may actually work.

This working also depends on whether or not your parents can tell the difference between an 'exit wound' and an 'entry' wound on wall damage, so maybe doctor the scene a little, or, maybe your parents are morons / know nothing about residential construction.

(Probably hide the dildo).

One thing you could try is to just actually jump on the bed, fall into the existing hole, re-damaging it more in line with, you know, impact damage...

Do that while they're home, so they hear it, and then just be completely honest and explain your mistake, while also being somewhat injured.

Maybe not 'jumping on the bed' maybe you were trying to affix a poster way above, or put silly decorations on the ceiling or something.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I like the cut of your jib, thinking creatively and logically, providing some solid solutions that might actually work.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Perk of growing up with control freak narcissist parents: You learn how to lie well, when necessary.

Downsides: CPTSD, fundamental inability to really trust anyone, ever.

[–] fonix232@fedia.io 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

dem lips do be indeed grippy

[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

the muscle tissue that makes your lips work are the same kind that makes your sphincter work.

so you could say that when you fart you're talking out your ass, or when you shit you're talking shit.

[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I know i am for sure lol

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Text post that mentions being fucked in the ass? Gotta mark that as NSFW

Photo of dildo balls? No need for that NSFW tag my man

[–] HowAbt2day@futurology.today 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Wait, thats a dildo? I thought it was the the arm of the hulk hogan rubber wrestling doll.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh shit, I totally forgot about the Hulk Hogan Super Action Suction Grip doll, my bad

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

those dolls felt the best as a kid 🤤

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 19 points 2 days ago

Shawshank it, and put a poster over it. She'll find it when you make your escape after college.

[–] Sonor@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago

Breaking the fourth wall

[–] MrNesser@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's one hell of a grip and I don't mean her hands

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 1 day ago

... How do you know they're a her?

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's where you hang your favorite poster until you move out.

Either that, or tell her the truth, she'll understand.

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

You'd also make sure to start digging a tunnel through that so you can finally move out.

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

Tell her you fucked up...err...sideways

Your orifice is of superior strength. What do you have to fear from a mere mortal?

[–] HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com 7 points 2 days ago

Ever seen The Shawshank Redemption?

[–] Leather@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Just say "Mom, as the prophecy foretold... It has happened!"

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 points 2 days ago

Mom, the wall tried to RAPE me!