Yeah. I got over my hangups about small talk when I started working for a well-known people person with a big, room-filling personality. Watching him "work" several people a day, I realized he was just on autopilot, repeating the same lines over and over like an NPC. I realized, "shit, I can do that."
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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment
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I saw some mudcrabs the other day. Horrid creatures.
Do you remember what he said? Maybe we can copy
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"
what was wenger thinking sending walcott on that early?
"Small talk" is actually one of the most powerful tools for connection we have. It’s not meaningless chatter; it’s the doorway into deeper understanding.
The trick isn’t to say the most interesting thing in the room or ask interesting questions, it’s to be interested.
When you ask someone, “How’s your day going?” or “What’s been keeping you busy lately?” and actually listen to their answer, you’re signaling that you care about their world. That’s the quiet magic of small talk: it turns strangers into people, and people into friends.
Start simple. Ask open questions that invite reflection instead of yes or no answers. Things like:
“How’s work treating you this week?”
“What’s something you’ve been enjoying lately?”
“Do you like slow days or do they make you restless?”
Then, build on what they share. Match their tone. Add your own small experiences (“I know what you mean, I kind of love quiet days too”). These little back-and-forth moments help conversations feel easy and balanced.
The value of small talk isn’t in the words themselves, it’s in the attention you give others. Over time, these small exchanges build trust, warmth, and familiarity. They’re how relationships begin, how empathy grows, and how we remind each other that we’re seen.
So don’t underestimate small talk. Practice curiosity. Ask, listen, share. Every person you meet carries a piece of the story you haven’t heard yet, and small talk is how you start uncovering it.
Literally all I could say to any of this would be downer shit. That's why I hate small talk. It's just depressing and I feel like it makes me look bad.
People actually LOVE to complain to each other. Perhaps if you shared your downer shit, you could find lots of connection. Just be sure to dose the information in small bits, so that the other person has enough space to react and share their own depressiive stories.
This also acts as a public filter
If you small talk with someone and they react positively (or at least don't treat you weird) ... then the person you are small talking to is a ~~decent~~ RECEPTIVE person who is also open to a bit of communication.
If you small talk with someone and they immediately treat you weird, walk away or just don't want to deal with you ... then chances are, it was a good thing you said something to eliminate any negative interaction.
EDIT: changed a word in my phrasing
Me: being socially anxious and going into panic stations when small talk begins.
Other person: it appears that this is not a decent person.
Yeah that actually happens. Saying "sorry I have social anxiety" as you dip out of the interaction surprisingly helps a lot.
My government seems to think otherwise.
Technically that's down to Imgur. Basically the UK government told Imgur to stop selling children's data to advertisers and Imgur was like "No, we're going to keep doing that and you're blocked".
But, OFCOM basically said "Okay sure you can block the UK and that will stop you selling any children's data going forward, but you still sold children's data in the past, so the fine still stands" and now it's kinda in limbo because Imgur doesn't have a UK office so there's nowhere to extract the money from. However, even if Imgur did introduce age assurance (which is increasingly likely given that Imgur is based in California and California is flirting with age assurance requirements too) and therefore would be in compliance with the Online Safety Act, they would still be fined because they failed to protect children's data in the past.
I have no fucking clue how to do small talk. I tend to get too serious too fast and feel very incompetent and overwhelmed with this kind of almost meaningless noise. So it either ends in awkward silence or in me saying something too heavy for that kind of conversation, which tends to make things awkward as well.
Example, option A:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Yeah, but did you know that death rates of sensitive population groups like elderly have increased due to more and intense heatwaves caused by global warming?"
Option B:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Yeah."
[silence]
Maybe I should get checked for autism, lol.
Maybe I should get checked for autism, lol.
Def. do that, but also, you just need more practice whether you're on the spectrum or not.
You are in your own head too much. You have a lot of ideas about big things that are straining at the seams to share with someone so you're not making it about "making friendly noises" with a stranger or casual acquaintance.
The good news is there's a surefire cure to this, but again, it takes practice so you don't forget how to do this one simple trick to making people like you and make friends who will then want to go on to talk about deep things.
ASK QUESTIONS.
They say "Wow that game last night was wild" and you say "Yah? what was your favorite part?"
They say "I hope the weather clears this weekend" you say.... NO, NOT DESCRIBING HOW WEATHER WORKS, you ask "What did you have planned?" and so on.
The key here is to set yourself aside. Make it the "Them Show" and they are the star. You are not going to form a lasting friendship by saying the right things at the right time, you won't get noticed at work by one awesome chat. You do these things by repetition and consistency. Do not "fast forward" in your mind when they are talking, you have to ACTUALLY LISTEN, and set aside whatever is boiling up in your mind to spill out.
If people start associating you with them being able to be the star for a minute, if you make them feel good about sharing their lives, they will start wanting to spend more time with you.
Maybe you should try "medium talk" so you don't get bored and other randos don't get weirded out. After a comment about the weather you can say that bc of the nice weather you were hiking/sportsing/otherwise hobbying in [location], and wondered if they've been there recently. Or if the weather was shit that you were indoors doing whatever hobby and ask what they tend to do in their free time.
Hobby talk can basically be as superficial or deep as you need it to be, so the conversation can progress from there as needed.
Honestly, my favorite people are the ones who love to talk and are horribly desperate to babble to potential listeners. I'm not much of a talker but I absolutely dont mind looking you in the eyes and nodding my head as you talk about your hobby or current going ons.
In bigger social groups I noticed this weird thing fellow humans tend to do where they all want a slice of being the talker/ center of attention and constantly cut off eachother or tune out current speaker waiting for them to shut up so they can start their monkey babble turn.
This behavior absolutely infuriates me and I refuse to take part in it. I would rather just be silent and let you say your piece than interrupt the flow.
As a knock on effect people subconsciously notice I'm not competing with them for talk time and am sending them constant listening signals like looking in the eye nodding head "mhm got you" stuff. This seems to really go a long way with making friendly with talkative types with minimal effort.
Hobbys or current going ons is nice, but that's not small talk. That's just talk. Not big talk nor small talk, more like medium talk. It's where they tell you stuff about themselves that actually matter, but not in a revolutionary way.
Small talk is chatting about the weather or talking about that person at work.
GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN, I AM A NON THREATENING HUMAN, NO NEED TO AVOID BEING NEAR MY PRESENCE
This lasts right until I learn that someone likes bugs. Then I just show them the most recent bug picture I have taken. So much less energy. So much less nerve-wracking. I want to show you my cool bug photos and I want to see your cool bug photos. We know what we're about (we're about sharing cool bug photos).
“ … and here I forgot an ampersand so the parameter was passed by value instead of by reference and I spent so much time …. Oh. You meant the other kind of bugs, didn’t you?”
It's me. I'm one of the great many who needed this. Thank you OP!
is making animal noises at each-other a sufficient way of small talk? asking for ourselves.
I mean... it works for animals?
This exchange reads like Archer dialogue and I'm digging it
Cicadas do nothing but shreik unholy shrill screams until someone else of their species decides to have sex with them, so why don't we give that a try?
"Hi, I'm very friendly, you don't have to be afraid of me, i don't want to harm you, we are identical!"
If it's to simply make noises to assert non-violent intentions, then I say we can be more than our natural urges without giving into these innate tendencies. Sincerely, an introvert.
*friendly noises
HONK <3
*reciprocal friendly noises
Seems a great many of you need this.
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Nope. Don't need that.
Did you know that the reason imgur blocks the UK is that it is trying to evade a fine for selling children's personal data?
They are a shit corporation and they already deleted old data for posters that didn't have a paid subscription with them.
There are other image hosts.
Lemmy lets you upped directly to your instance and if gets federated.
Don't use imgur.
What these sounds mean, he thought, is: I am alive and so are you. And we're all very worried that we might not be alive for much longer, so we'll just keep talking, because that's better than thinking.
- Truckers, Terry Pratchett
This... makes sense. Thank you
This post is quite profound



