When I get rich, I'm going to start washing my ass. Shit is going to be pristine. I'll be able to get within inches of you and you'll never even smell me.
this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2025
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Believe it or not, you can still do it while not being rich
But it feels wasteful to be wiping my ass with all this money when I could finally buy food.
Oh yeah? Where are your peer reviewed papers saying so. /s
I've got some poop-reviewed papers if you're interrsted
I’d buy a private island so that I never had to wipe again, but each to their own…
Bidets aren't expensive and they are easy enough for me to install it in my apartment. Be the change you want to be.
You've encouraged me to give it a shot. I'm a little stuck. What do I do now that I've destroyed my old toilet?
Fuck man, I don't know. Just go in the kitchen sink. Most can get detachable nozzles and the garbage disposal will make sure you won't clog it.
Something I learned a long time ago: I should never, no matter the circumstances, be trusted with large sums of money.
I once came into a substantial amount of money via an insurance settlement. Did I invest it? Pay off debts? Create a rainy day fund? HA! Gambling, drugs, hookers, drugs for the hookers…I lived like Caligula for almost two years. Debauchery was my middle name. And if I ever came into money like that again, I’d do the exact same thing, because it was fucking awesome!
You were just helping the economy by not hoarding it. If more billionaires actually spent their money, things wouldn't be as bad as they are.
Learned in psychology class that people change when coming into money or power. No one reading this is exempt. People feel that laws and norms no longer apply to them. Being a middle-aged white guy is my "power". I ignore laws, nearly every day, that I wouldn't dare break if I were black or younger. This is not a thing I think about or do on purpose.
Can't remember the story, but a reporter was asking Hilary Clinton why she voted for $thing to be banned when she was actively doing $thing. Again, I'm forgetting the response, but she was a bit taken aback, "But that doesn't apply to me." College-age Hilary would not have acted like that.
I have seen that play out almost in real time with a friend's girlfriend. He has money, but he grew up poor. She has no money of her own, doesn't work, doesn't contribute in any way to society. She also comes from poor background. And yet ever since she's gotten cozy with his money—getting clothes, new laptops, phones, jewelry, traveling—she started sounding like a bitch. Shitting on other working class people while riding on the money she did not earn. It's absolutely wild to me.
My 🥭 is to 💥 and then 🤷♂️🙋🙋♀️
I must be so old.
“My mango is to explode then next question?”
it's called material conditions sweaty, you wouldn't get it
Someone please help me what's that comic where one person is asked what they're going to do with their newly found wealth and the guy is like "I'm going to have sex with children"? I don't want to type these words into a search engine
That was just posted here like a week ago I think.
"My main goal is to blow up and then act like I don't know nobody".
I can't recall the author of such an astute remark.
I do recall making my own version in relation to going to the local county fair.
"My main goal is to get a funnel cake and not share it with nobody".
Cause people always be like "let me have a bite. ". No. It's mine. Fuck off. Go stand in line for 15 min in direct sunlight.
Build my own theme park with black jack and hookers.
That's just a casino. You could just buy one of those.
I'm too proud to let money change me, that's for hedonists and silly men of poor character. 😤
I'd love to let money have a chance to change me, though I do identify as a hedonist and a silly man of poor character.
I would never stoop to these things. When I'm rich.
I'm middle class and I already do some of these.....
Are you gomna keep respecting laws? I'm not fuck it
I would move to a safe country, build a safety net for my kids and grandkids, and then give the rest away to food banks, low income housing organizations, those kinds of things.
i would absolutely be corrupted by wealth, it's just that it'd corrupt me into a mad train model enthusiast who buys a huge piece of land to construct a "model" resort with smol steam train-styled trams, which are fully functional and the whole thing just actually being a quite nice place to live full-time, simply because i desperately want to see it exist.
The mad part is that the old-timey cozy vibe is enforced by contract, everything is themed and you must dress accordingly and avoid obvious use of modern stuff while in public. Cars are verboten, as are e-bikes and scooters.