this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2025
509 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

18486 readers
4860 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Can't imagine what could possibly go wrong with this idea.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 131 points 1 month ago

I can't imagine that anything will go wrong. /s

collapsed inline media

[–] desmosthenes@lemmy.world 104 points 1 month ago (39 children)

anything but the actual, common sense, solution

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 47 points 1 month ago

They don't do common sense over there.

load more comments (38 replies)
[–] thesohoriots@lemmy.world 69 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That one kid with a flipper zero: hold my juice box

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 29 points 1 month ago

It is so much worse than that

What happens when they can't figure out who compromised the device?

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 63 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Ah, sniper drones. Like the ones Israel has been using to shoot children in the head.

Tried and tested on Palestinian children, now ready for the open market.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] the_q@lemmy.zip 27 points 1 month ago (5 children)

I wonder who is manufacturing the drones...

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 12 points 1 month ago

Probably Israel. They've been testing drones with sniper rifles on Gaza. Worse, the list of people to assassinate is generated by AI (Lavendar)

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Everything except getting rid of guns.

What a rotten shithole of a country.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SethranKada@lemmy.ca 22 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Snort idea. Get there fast and get them down. If, as the article says, the most deaths happen in the first 120 seconds, then time is of the essence to stop them as quickly as possible.

Then again, they could just start feeding people properly and make guns harder to get. But since those are apparently not an option, I guess this is a "best of a bad situation" kind of deal.

[–] sramder@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Snort idea.

Nailed it! Anyone have more cocaine?

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 22 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Wait until the bullied nerd learns to hack that system and sends the armed drones to exterminate the jocks.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 15 points 4 weeks ago

That could never happen. The manufacturer assured parents their proprietary software is unhackable.

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 20 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I'm trying to imagine something like this getting installed in my old school in the UK, and it's so bizarre and totally removed from my reality growing up that I can't even picture it.

The whole concept of a robot armed with a lethal weapon just sitting there in my classroom each and every day, waiting for someone in a remote control centre to decide that someone in the room should be killed? I think that would traumatize me a little even if there never was an attack.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] klu9@piefed.social 20 points 1 month ago

"Our drones can create a distraction." Yeah, from gun control.

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

Fortunately they are currently only equipped with non lethal capabilities. So it's going to be fun to watch the consequences of someone hacking into them and people to realize how much of a bad idea this was

[–] railcar@midwest.social 19 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Yep, these definitely won't get hacked

[–] NateNate60@lemmy.world 20 points 4 weeks ago

Damn, even school shooters get to work from home now.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] MuskyMelon@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This is called over-engineering the solution

[–] jacksilver@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago

I mean, not really. Cause it's not even a solution.

It's more likely a grift some politician is using to pay a friend some money to play with drones.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works 16 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

wait, how are they going to "test" this?

[–] titanicx@lemmy.zip 12 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Shit. They still haven't thought of the obvious solution.

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Gator's with mounted guns. You're right!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] PKscope@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

This is so much better than passing common sense gun laws.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Red_October@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago

Of course the password to the school's drone control system was just "admin1234"

[–] AliasVortex@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Reminds me of the short film Slaughterbots from a while back. 7 years later and it doesn't seem all that much like fiction anymore...

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 15 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

It's on. Shooters will now respond with armed drones.

[–] _AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

government to use air strikes to prevent drone powered school shootings

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 13 points 1 month ago

When they'll resort to deadly sky robots to "protect" children before they'll regulate who can have access to firearms...

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 13 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

ED-209: CITIZEN, DROP THE WEAPON. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

Random Kid: B...b... But I don't even have a weapon!

ED-209: YOU NOW HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY. 9. 8. 7...

[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 12 points 4 weeks ago

Random Kid: W...w... We were just shooting spit balls! It's just a straw, please!

ED-209: WEAPON CONFIRMED, ARMING RAIL GUN.

kid reduced to fine red mist

ED-209: TARGET NEUTRALIZED. STATE IF PARENTS SHOULD BE NOTIFIED THROUGH TEXT.

no response

ED-209: VERY WELL, ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SCHOOL DAY.

drone flies off

[–] shirro@aussie.zone 12 points 4 weeks ago

Often we see people being demonised and dehumanized for political purposes. Americans basically dehumanize themselves.

As a parent I can't think of anything much more traumatic than losing a child to a gun massacre. It makes me furious. Watching Americans passively do nothing about this for decades has gone from infuriating to blame. I can't relate to them anymore.

I didn't make them sub-human by questioning their race or religion or politics. They made themselves sub-human by ignoring the most basic moral and ethical requirements of human society and family. Watching them kill each other won't bring me joy but it doesn't outrage me as much as watching people in war torn countries being massacred in conflicts over which they had no control.

This was a choice from a weak broken society.

[–] updn@lemmy.ca 12 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I don't see this going wrong at all. Do you know how long a drone battery lasts? Do you trust AI to pick out the right kids to shoot?

Wtf timeline am I in?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] thejoker954@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is... An idiot with a drone?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] devolution@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago

Anything besides sensible gun control.

[–] sramder@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

At a demonstration of the drones at AcadeMir Preparatory High School in South Miami-Dade, the company showed how the drones are capable of using what the company calls “kinetic energy hits” to knock someone over.

I can’t even with this shit 😝

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Might be cheaper if you just gave each student a gun.

They walk to school, check all their bags for firearms (take any away that are brought in) ... then after the security check, they are given their own holstered small sidearm that they have to keep visually on them at all times during school hours. It has to stay visible to everyone at all times.

[–] artifex@piefed.social 15 points 1 month ago

This reads like a MAGA wet dream.

[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 month ago

OMG Joey doesn't have a gun!

20 students draw on him

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (3 children)

Oh no, now the shooters have drones!

Stole it from the school.

Having attended school this hypothetical is entirely 100% plausible. More children will be killed by these drones then they end up protecting.

load more comments (3 replies)

Skynet for brown people

[–] GlenRambo@jlai.lu 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thank god merica ha the right to bear arms against the tyranny. ... ... Any time now ... ... Someone.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›