Ask Lemmy

40. By the time they turn 20, you're 60. What kind of childhood can you provide if you're older than that? It's about THEM. The age is purely based on what you can provide them and for how many years.

A lot of this is cultural. What a parent should be able to do, what a "normal" family looks like and so on. I feel like it would be good to ask kids of older parents instead, because at the end of the day their experience is what matters. I suspect that they'd say growing up with an old dad was fine.

As for stuff about medical risk to the kid, it's always there. Ditto for the comments about risk of their life sucking. How much risk is too much risk is the real question.

Older more patient and wise parents are not a bad thing.

The main concern if I were you are if I have plans in the next 20 years or so that conflict with having a child. Thats really the only source of apprehension I'd have.

These are questions for a doctor, not the Internet lol.
I think you're fine but your husband might be a bit old, but idk exactly how the associated risks increase with age.

If you're serious, ignore every single comment here and ask your ob/gyn.

Health issues due to paternal age are a lot more difficult to do genetic testing for compared to issues tied to maternal age. If planning to use his sperm, consider speaking with a genetic counselor and have some serious conversations about what it looks like if you have a baby with certain health issues.

I just met my stepbrother last week despite our parents being together for several years now. He's 20-something years younger than I am (I'm almost 50 and he's in his twenties). If I think of him as stepparent's kid, it's not weird to me; similar to kids of close friends. If I think of him as stepbrother it feels strange. Maybe that's more to do with both of us being only children than the age gap.

Fortunately, we have enough in common that we got along really well!

I have a couple of friends that had a baby and the mom also had 2 teenage daughters (the baby is the dad's first kid; he was so excited to become a dad). The daughters seemed well adjusted to it. Your stepkid could be expecting you to want a kid of your own.

Why don't the 3 of you chat with a family therapist together to see if some of these concerns can be resolved or maybe aren't so much concerns at all.

Mid 40’s is really pushing it.

As long as you both consent to it and he is willing to also put in the work it takes to raise a child then what’s the problem?

Malcolm Gladwell just recently had a child in his late 50s/early 60s and so did Peter Sagal of Wait Wait fame. People have kids later in life all the time.

My wife and I had our first child when I was 39 because that’s finally when it happened for us and we had the means to support our kid the way we wanted.

I’m in my mid 40s now and would love another. I still have the energy to swing our kid around and throw her up in the air. Now she’s getting into the ages where she can hike with us, it’s a wonderful journey watching her grow and learn.

One thing I would just ask of you, personally, is just make the commitment to read to your child. Read to them every night. Read to them as much as they want. Read to them even when you’re tired. It’s so important for their development.

Upper 30s is pushing it, genetically speaking, but I wouldn't discourage people in their early 40s from trying it. Ever person and every family can have different sizes and shapes.

Today.

Today is too old to doom another poor bastard.

Just have some life insurance (or equivalent) set up to cover costs should the statistics catch up to him or you. At that age his parents can’t help out like they would if he were younger.

My partner’s parents are both very old compared to norms. It’s fine. One benefit is that they were financially stable and once they retired they were able to spend more time with their adolescent kid.

My ex's dad was in his early 60s when she was born. It was neat

Strictly speaking from a biological sense: whetever age the woman is when she has no eggs to fertilize.

"you're never too old to have children" -- Jeffrey Epstein

35. Otherwise you're getting too old to properly take care of your kids over the years. Never too old to adopt though

My wife and I had this discussion when we got married, she was angling for another kid and I was like "Roll forward 17, 18 years, do you want to be paying for college at retirement age?"

Our first kid is grown, out of the house, married, his degree is 100% paid off... I really don't want to be doing that again in my 60s.

I have two friends born to parents of similar ages as that. Both have had very happy families. One was an only child. The other had a similar age gap with his half siblings, they didn't interact much while he was growing up, but now that he's an adult they hang out all the time. It seems like both friends have had to deal with more challenging losses of parents earlier in their lives than typical, but there's no guarantee about tomorrow anyway.

why is your husband 20 years older than you?!

also, you can adopt.

My dad was 47 and my mom was 32 when they had me. Although he was a fantastic dad, my dad didnt have the same energy as all of my friends' dads, and that was always obvious. He really only was able to bike ride with us until I was maybe like 8 or 9.

My dad had some health complications when I was a teenager, and he died when he was 61 and I was 15. Really messed me up for awhile. Of course I miss him and wish he hadn't gone when he did, but when I think about it, I realize that he'd be 78 if he was still been alive today. Not sure that I would be able to handle caring for my aging dad at 31, considering how overwhelmed I currently am with my life.

It's certainly doable, but I don't think its a great idea - especially if youre kinda indifferent about it and your husband is leaning no.