this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2025
477 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

15570 readers
350 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Florida has been working for years to crack down on employers that hire undocumented immigrants. But that presented a problem for businesses in the state that are desperate for workers to fill low-wage and often undesirable jobs.

top 28 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MyOpinion@lemm.ee 123 points 1 week ago

Great to see Republican embracing who they are: Child abusers.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 82 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Good news: nobody needs a chimney sweep these days

Bad news: we have even more dangerous mechanical monsters that could use little hands

Florida always 1 uping itself.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 60 points 1 week ago

I really thought this was the onion. Satire is dead. Republicans are scum.

[–] HowAbt2morrow@futurology.today 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Fuck dem kids, right Florida? Those little fingers are great for picking fruit. /s

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 37 points 1 week ago

Fuck dem kids, right

Don't worry they are on that too.

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We DoNt NeEd MiNiMuM wAgE lAwS, ThE mArKeT fOrCeS pAy ChAnGeS!

....riiiiiiight.

Unbridled capitalisms only real end game is slavery.

[–] whatyousaidontwitter@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Where's the 'think about the kids' crowd now lol

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 19 points 6 days ago

Oh they're thinking about the kids alright. As a cheap resource

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Florida doesn't have mines, so how could the minors yearn for the mines?

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

The mines are metaphorical now.

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

They will be mining oranges...

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 6 days ago

Florida doesn’t have oranges anymore because they failed to regulate the spread of disease. It’s very on bRand.

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 16 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Oh boy, I definitely want kids now. 🙄

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 2 points 6 days ago

It's the only way you'll be able to survive past 70 soon.

[–] douglasg14b@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 1 points 6 days ago

YouTube moment:

Ah right, the "pro life" state that really "cares about dem kids" above the rights and life of the mother.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 1 week ago

this must be what they mean when they said they're taking our (kids) jobs

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

college students should be able to do this stuff

Sure, but we're not talking about adults.

including eliminating working time restrictions on teenagers aged 14 and 15 if they are home-schooled and ending guaranteed meal breaks for 16 and 17 year olds

They don't need no education.

lol ok sure. Fucking go for it. I have genuinely stopped caring about whatever fucking idiocy goes on below the mason dixon line at this point. Fucking confeds.

[–] InverseParallax@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

You know, if they also allowed the girls to get married (to older men of course), that could be the most southern headline there is.

Fuck dem kids, right Florida? Those little fingers are great for picking fruit. /s

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Good opportunity to get ahead of the student loans!

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

There it is the real purpose of forcing women to give birth