Finding one of my children dead, it has happened once already.
this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2025
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You're a good parent.
Unlike my parents who are just shitty and would feel relieved if I kms right now.
At least your parents like metric! That’s gotta count!
But seriously, no license is needed to become a parent, one of the greatest responsibilities IMO. Maybe they don’t actually hate you, and just don’t know to parent good. If they hated your guts, why would they (badly?) raise you instead of giving you in adoption the moment you were born?
Bruh, they think I'm useless because I have depression, and they are already threatening to leave zero inheritance if I don't "snap out of it". Gee thanks mom, wonder where the depression came from.
Also, idk where you got that metric thing from, their only rubric is "useful" or "human trash". In China where I was from, they literally do not have a law like the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), they treat people that have health conditions horribly. I'd rather use the imperial system if at least it means I'm not treated like shit (even though recent politics is starting to get shitty).
They just say "You won't need these (referring to inheretance), you can just get disability income.
Like... did they not pay attention to the news? The US government is declaring war on people with mental health issues.
They are literally just going with the government narrative whereever they are. To them, it's "work hard or else your a burden on society" and "medicine is for the weak" or some bs
No wonder why PRC is like that. Everyone in government thinks like my parents.
Its the same with American conservatism
Conservatives ruin everything and have zero sympathy. (CCP is conservative if we're being honest, there is zero "socialism" lol)
(sorry for the rant, feeling very suicidal rn)
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Thanks for sharing this. Losing a child is so devastating people become pariah, but you're showing people it happens and people get through it. I'm sorry your child passed, they should still be here today
Work was very supportive of me during that time, excluding my direct supervisor, who nearly ended up being fired over it. I had support from friends that helped as well.
But it being a suicide added so much more taboo to it. His birth giving parent (is a trans man) was raised very religious and had a hard time telling people it was a suicide, so I kept it quiet. Eventually they announced the suicide and me being able to talk about it in that sense really helped me a lot.
I'm glad that you got the support you needed and deserved. I've got a lot of respect for your boss fighting so hard for you.
Suicide is really hard, it brings up additional terrible and profound emotions. Having to keep it secret is additional stress, and isn't a nice secret to keep. Well done for getting through it ❤️
I'm so sorry! It happened to two friends of mine and they were absolutely destroyed, stay strong!
It was 11 1/2 years ago, he would be 29 years this year.
You know, every time I mention this I get strange looks (I also have now just realized that makes me sound like I bring this up very often - I've done so maybe twice):
My odd specific fear is based around the fact that I have quite a few medical issues, a lot of the symptoms haven't been resolved yet due to not knowing the root cause. This has been the case for years... I fear that I'll end up leaving this planet in some strange way that ends up triggering an autopsy being performed on me. The examiner then basically says "Wow, this guy lived a tough life. If only his doctors had known about XYZ, these issues could've been easily solved" - and that effectively all of this that I deal with is "for nothing".
On one hand, I like to think that if seeing numerous specialists for how long I've been doing so hasn't resulted in answers, then it's probably not super likely that an ME would just randomly find the answer on a simple autopsy.
On the other hand, quite a few of the doctors that I see don't really listen, and are always in a rush to get you out the door in five minutes... So maybe not.
In the end, I try not to think about it too often - there's nothing more that I can do, at least not reasonably. I mean sure, I could go to medical school and try to become a doctor and hope by then I have the knowledge to diagnose myself, but I wouldn't really call that "reasonable". Plus, I hear doctors make terrible patients.
I get this it's a valid fear. What's your gut instinct about it?
Hmm, do you mean whether they'd find an answer (or even what the answer might be)? If so, it's tough to say.
Edit: This is a much longer response than I intended to give... My bad!
One of the issues I've been dealing with for example is I'm constantly incredibly tired. The feeling that most people have when they first wake up for a couple of minutes where they're not fully awake even though they're "physically awake" is the closest I can describe it, except I have it all day most of the time.
Doesn't matter how much sleep I get, the result ends up pretty much being the same. I do often have sleep issues, but sometimes I think that it's a cyclical result of me being too tired throughout the day and thus not doing enough, and so my brain doesn't think that it's time to sleep because I haven't done anything (but then because I don't sleep well, the next day I still end up doing "not enough" because I'm even more tired from the lack of sleep)... I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but when I bring it up to doctors they don't seem to think it's a crazy theory.
Trying to find out the root cause though has not been easy, as sadly lethargy and fatigue are very generic symptoms - the amount of things that can cause it (even on a chronic level like mine) is... quite a list. And then if you eliminate one, that doesn't mean that others aren't affecting you either.
So for example, it's common for me to be low on iron and other essential vitamin levels because I have Crohn's Disease which one of the side effects is that you have a hard time absorbing those nutrients. Nowadays I consistently see a hematologist who checks for these things, and I can have iron infusions done to fix low iron levels.
A couple of years ago, my results were so low that the lab tech called my doctor saying it was dangerously low, who then called me at 8PM in the day saying that I needed to drop what I was doing and go straight to the ER for an emergency blood transfusion. One of the jobs of iron to my understanding is to be a binder for oxygen so that it can be carried throughout your body - if it gets too low, you risk your organs basically not getting enough.
Then last year we found out my testosterone levels were practically that of an 80 year old man - I'm in my late 20s... So I had to start TRT, and everyone hoped that would be the magical fix - sadly, it wasn't (though it still needed to be addressed anyways). That however comes with its own issues.
Now they want me to get a sleep study done because their next idea is that I might just never (or very rarely) be entering REM sleep - if you don't enter REM sleep, then you're pretty much not actually sleeping (an 8 hour sleep without REM is practically just an 8 hour "power nap"). But even if that were the case, and we got it fixed, there's still no guarantees that there isn't some other issue that is triggering the fatigue.
As to my gut feeling, I know there is certainly an answer - I just don't know what the answer is. But there is absolutely zero chance that the majority of the humans on this planet can go about their lives and actually be awake with enough energy to do "normal things" such as work an 8 hour day, and that I'm somehow that unique to just be missing some vital gene or such, especially when I used to be among those people. I haven't even hit my thirties yet!
Somewhere along the way, something went critically wrong and I lost that "ability", but as to what that "something" is I unfortunately just don't know because after all these years I've exhausted the list of things I think it could be based off my limited medical knowledge (I of course never went to medical school, but living with an autoimmune disease since before you even started puberty you do at least learn a little bit).
I guess the other tangential fear I have is that I'll spend the rest of my "good years" trying to figure this out, and that eventually the doctors will just blame it on old age. Time only flows in one direction, once March 16th 2025 has come and gone, it'll never swing by again - there's no do-over if they just don't find the answer in time.
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Waking up to find my partner dead. I used to leave for work while she was still deeply asleep so every morning before I kissed her goodbye I would have that moment of terror that when my lips touch her she would be cold.
Thalassophobia, aka fear of deep water. No problem being in a boat, but swimming in it is a no-go. I can swim in swimming pools, but the larger the body of water (ponds, lakes, ocean, etc) the larger the fear. I think it has something to do with not being able to see through the depth of the water? Strangely enough, the idea of being in space doesn't bother me at all.
I also tried Subnautica (based on recommendations) like a dumbass, played it for 20 minutes and had a panic attack. Uninstalled!
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I dont want to hold babies. I have a fear that I will drop it and I am not sure what I would say to the parents. Im not sure what is going to happen when I have kids
Im not sure what is going to happen when I have kids
For me, it went like this:
- I'm afraid I'll drop or hurt this tiny helpless child.
- But this tiny helpless child can't even go drink milk by itself.
- I guess I can only make things better helping it get milk. I'll just be really careful.
- That wasn't so bad. I guess I can do this.
Then repeat in stages every 15 minutes or so as it needs diapers, or cuddles to warm up, or cleaned, or milk again, or diapers again.
Until eventually I'm confidently picking it up in a moment of complete terror so that it won't run out into traffic.
This does make me feel better. My wife keeps saying I need to hold babies to get over it (I suppose similar to your experience, hold it and realize it ain’t that bad). We’ll see how it goes. I don’t plan on having kids until I finish grad school though so I do have some time to prepare myself to face my fear: baby droppin. Thank you kind stranger for the words of wisdom
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That I'll die before my kids are adults and I won't be there to prepare them for the world.
That while I'm driving I'll have to sneeze while driving across a bridge and during that split second while my eyes are closed and I'm distracted by the sneeze I'm going to drive off the edge.
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That this 80 year old psychopath has nukes and when he faces a fatal medical diagnosis is 100% of the "if i cant have it nobody will" mentality. Now that I think of it there are at least 2 more of these type of psychos leading nations sitting on nuclear arsenals now. Yea, we're fucked! Shoulda scuttled nukes while we had a chance. Certainly before we elected a toddler with a loaded handgun.
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I’ve tried to live a good life, and tried to be a good influence around me. My secret fear is suddenly dying in public, and farting like some corpses.
I want to be remembered as a good coworker or friend, etc., not as the guy who farted loudly after dying.
My family finding out about my fictional crushes, showing that I've got a superbly weird taste in fictional men.
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Not much at this point. After having open heart surgery and having my heart stop a couple of times, I'm not really scared of much.
I hear ya. Being told I was going to die within a couple years and getting my brain drilled through my skull, the normal petty fears melt away. Totally over the fear of needles now. You and are in the “I should be dead, IDGAF” club now 🤝
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If it’s okay, would you explain why? Did you make your preparations in case of death, or are like “give your best shot, life”?
Really, the only thing I was scared of was needles. Well, I've been poked and stabbed more times since 2018 than I can count. Another blood draw and IV last Thursday in fact.
Your perspective on fear and pain changes once you've been cracked open like a lobster and laced back up with metal like a ballet slipper.
Whenever I have to go into the city (I live in a small town) I have to take a short ferry to get there. Whenever it lists like 4-6 degrees, it scares me so bad.
That I have pee pee dribbles on my pants, after walking out of a work or public restroom. It's not even that I'm afraid I actually have pee pee dribbles, but that when I washed my hands, water drops got on or around my crotchal region, and people will believe it's pee pee.
Being helpless in a situation I had already thought about but never had the opportunity to prepare for.
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Fear of ending up in Guantanamo and getting tortured. (I'm American)
Losing all of my memories, and therefore proof that I've lived, to hereditary dementia.
I have a fear of being wrongly accused/arrested for something horrific, like murder, and then when I'm taken in for questioning I do what you're supposed to and refuse to speak and ask for a layer, but that just makes everyone suspect me more and I end up in prison.
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Never being able to get out from my family's thumb. Dying misirable, bitter, and angry at the world because my whole life was squandered. Realizing my one chance to have avoided all this passed thirty years ago and even then it was at best a half-chance.
I can’t look at super close up pictures of insects, like where you can see all the little hairs and shit. Sends shivers down my spine. The worst part is I had to dissect a giant grasshopper in high school anatomy. God I still remember having to rip its mandibles out of its face. Gahh shiver. The cat was much more manageable later on in the year lol
Saws. The sound they're making shakes me to my core and having to help someone who almost amputated their finger enforced that fear further
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I constantly worry the police are going to kick in my door and shoot my dogs before realizing they have the wrong apartment. Mostly I get this anxiety about it when standing in front of my door putting their leashes on so it has the added fear of being hit in the face by the door when they kick it in.
Being stuck in a traffic jam while driving. I have a 0% chance because I don't drive.
I fear that, one day, the wrong people are going to find out I cheated on my finals in order to graduate, which does have consequences.
Hah!
I chose a BA in computer science because it indicated that I'd satisfied the requirements for both - it was literally my choice; I'd done all of the stuff for a BS plus a enough for a minor in a BA. Stupid me thought people would understand that a BA in CS meant you went beyond.
No. No, hiring managers think a BA in CIS is some weaker, non-technical, non-STEM kind of computer thing, like a degree in computer art or something.
So I've been lying my whole life; when asked, I say I have a BS in CIS. I wouldn't say I'm ever exactly worried about being caught out, because it's easily explainable, but it has crossed my mind occasionally, when filling out applications.
I'm afraid the world will end and I'll be a dick without my SSRIs or coffee
The flesh eating disease. It's everywhere and you can get it from a minor cut.
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