"I don't get my happiness from material worth."

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

Man, it is a shame you can't buy class because you could use some.

"I wouldn't want to paint a target on my back like that. Did you hear about Chesterwick's son getting kidnapped while backpacking in Burma?"

If only you had learned to tell time.

get really really enthusiastically interested in the watch. ask for details seem super impressed. massage that wealthy ego to the point of basically a blow job. but then just like keep going. see how long you can keep the topic on that one specific watch. don't ever let him talk about anything that the watch means or about the dynamic he tried to establish.

optionally, loose interest and leave without ever having let anything be said that wasn't about the watch. this is how you weaponize autism against egotists.

I'd just start laughing and point at them.

"mine was 5 bucks at goodwill, sounds like you got scammed, sorry"

Yeah, but can your watch drive you to the store ?

I think the really wealthy old-money people would never say such a thing. Because such a thing just wouldn't occur to them. And if someone said that to them, they'd just kind of smile and nod the same way they would to a toddler. Maybe say "Ah, yes, very good." So that's probably the best response.

But if I were writing a screenplay and had to come up with a one-liner I'd probably go with, "Just goes to show you can't buy class."

good, maybe you can sell it to buy some human decency then

A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.

"that's so sad"

But realistically probably nothing, someone like that isn't going to care enough about what you think to be affected by what you say.

So you are fiscally irresponsible and you are proud of it? Good to know…

"Yes, your fancy jewelry is very pretty. Good job."

Edit: after I stopped laughing, of course.

"that's cute!"

I have friends.

And I have the same watch, but paid $25 for it on a market in Cambodia.

That's quiet an expensive way to look cheap

"and yet your dad still don't love you."

"What's your point?"

I wouldn't even hide that watch up my ass.

"Cool story bro. Needs more dragons."

“I don’t mean to victim blame, but I try not to look like I’m worth mugging.”

I can afford not to have a watch.

Woow, what does it do?

• It tells time.

Nothing else? So does my car.

"Was it meant to make you happier? I'm not sure it worked."

Will your regular charge you half price when she doesn't see you wearing it?

• Your clock stopped. (Looks at the clock)
• No it's still working.
• You are bald on tip of your head I saw it when you were looking at the clock.

A lot of replies here still wander into sounding mad imo Instead, I would fake not getting the insult and just make them uncomfortable by saying something like "Wow that's cool :D" and then just move on. Sort of like when you acknowledge a child doing something dumb but they're so proud of it you don't want to ruin it for them.

steals his watch

Quite a low bar considering that I don't need a car of my own.

Your pathetic status symbols only show how anxious and insecure you are.

Fool and his money.

Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j

My car has an analog clock face too.

Bragging is lower-class behavior