this post was submitted on 26 May 2025

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111

Am I a dick if I don't want to meet an old friend for coffee if she brings her babies along? (lemmy.wtf)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by _j_@lemmy.wtf to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

79 comments fedilink hide all child comments

An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.

She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.

I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.

AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?

(page 2) 31 comments

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[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

These responses are as varied as you can get

[–] tauren@lemm.ee 0 points 1 month ago

Her kids - her problems, you don't have to deal with that.

[–] RedditAdminsSuckIt@lemmy.world -1 points 1 month ago

I don’t know you so these words aren’t meant to be hurtful, but I wouldn’t want to be your friend.

It sounds like you have nothing in common and aren’t actually interested in their life or you’d be interested in the kids.

The best part is you suggested the coffee shop lol.

Honestly just learn to say no if you don’t want to do something. It might be awkward but it’ll save embarrassment, wasted time and maybe even hurt in the end.

[–] EverXIII@lemmy.world -4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

No. You are not a dick. Your colleague is. Your are always allowed to exercise your right to say no, to things you don’t like to do.

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[–] Litebit@lemmy.world -5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Coffee is not good for babies, save the babies, don't meet her. Call child protection. I don't think she is your friend if she is giving her babies coffee.

[+] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com -12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

YTA. People with young kids tend to socialise way less because they dont sleep and its a lot of work. When they do socialise the kids tend to be around because organising childcare is difficult to organise, can be expensive, potentially stressful for the kids. Very frequently the options are take your kids with you to socialise, or dont socialise at all. Its why new parents suddenly start socialising a lot with other parents.

And it might not be as bad as you think, depending on the kids. They may be happy entertaining themselves and sleeping, and you can have a relatively normal time until they wake up and get restless at which point the mum might decide its time for them to leave. Or they could be crying and screaming the whole time.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago (2 children)

tldr: you are the asshole if you don't want to meet. people with young kids need you, they deserve meeting with you! look how lonely they are, you cannot just decline!

[–] Ironfist79@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (4 children)

You are not entitled to anybody else's time.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

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