this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
275 points (98.9% liked)

Not The Onion

16167 readers
977 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 139 points 2 days ago (4 children)

That's the gayest sounding name for a festival.

[–] choking_the_dolphin@lemmynsfw.com 72 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Three cool dudes looking for other cool dudes who wanna hang out in their party mansion. Nothing sexual. Fitness encouraged. If you’re fat, you should be able to find humor in the little things. Again, nothing sexual.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That should be on a flyer, but it should have an attention grabbing shape. Like maybe a bicept.

[–] Postingllamas@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

Don't forget the veins

[–] Transtronaut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 2 days ago

Most closeted thing I've ever heard.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] PunkRockSportsFan@fanaticus.social 132 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Gonna be a lot of gross people that no one wants to fuck at that event.

I guarantee it.

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (3 children)

What if they fuck each other?

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 64 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's... how Conservatives are made.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What if we took a page of Bob Barker's book and have them spayed or neutered?

[–] Transtronaut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Eugenics is from the conservatives' book.

load more comments (2 replies)

Then it would just be pride month ? That’d be ok I guess assuming everyone consents

while talking about how not gay it is

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TipRing@lemmy.world 61 points 2 days ago

I mean, ok. Pride isn't exclusionary. Most gay people have straight parents, siblings, friends and so on. If you feel the need to celebrate being straight, that's cool. If you think you're a victim because you are straight then I might suggest some therapy.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 48 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Hundred bucks says the grinder app's going to get a lot of traffic that weekend. There's going to be very busy bus station bathrooms, and maybe Airport bathrooms? I don't know if they have airports in Idaho.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Self-loathing is a bitch

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 43 points 2 days ago (2 children)

You know what would be the fucking best thing ever? If everyone showed up and was totally supportive. Like those hateful bigots are all marching and hollering and then here comes the pride parade with hetero banners and signs saying "Heteros Are Awesome!" and other really positive shit. And they'll be all like "We don't want your support," and we'll be like "Fuck you, pride is for all!" And maybe like one or two of them would be like, "Oh..." and then the world is a better place for a moment.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

For a moment I thought you were headed inthe direction of LGBTQ rebranding "All Lives Matter".

Like some hateful biggot is chanting "DOWN WITH QUEERS" and then the Pride Parade marches in, and starts supporting them. And the hate parade tries to resist, and then the Pride people start saying they love everybody, and ALL lives matter. And then the hateful side says "WAIT! NO! THATS OURS, AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT!" And then the Pride people say "Too late! We've rebranded it now! We love you, baby!" And the hateful people are just confused like "what.....what just happened??"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

I mean, my first thought was “Aww… sweety… yes, you are awesome. Have a cookie and let mommy watch her stories.”

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 38 points 1 day ago (8 children)

Honestly, if done without any hate to LGBTQ+, I'm all for it. We need a nice hetero representation, and hetero relationships are beautiful. This does include trans people forming hetero couples, and hetero-demi-/asexuals, and many more, so it can even intersect with LGBTQ+ in some cases.

All relationships and sexualities are beautiful, and hetero ones are no exception.

But I doubt it'll be done this way.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)

id be ok with it as long as they don't push it in my face

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't want to walk past and see them holding hands or anything

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago

Holding hands implies they're trying to have sex. A penis, in a vagina? How do I explain that to my 4 year old?

[–] Zero22xx@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Yeah, I'd say, if hetero people need an excuse to have fun and celebrate something, I'm all for it. But I have a sneaky suspicion that this is going just going to be used as a hatefest towards LGBTQ+ people instead. I would love to be proven wrong but I have a feeling that straight cis people who are open minded and accepting and not bigots, aren't the ones who feel the need to go "what about straight pride / international men's day?" whenever anyone else gets a bit of attention.

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm cis-het and fully intend to go to the pride parade with friends in a different state. It's going to be a great time! Idk why the largest groups feel like they need extra special attention.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Allero@lemmy.today 7 points 1 day ago

On the other hand, the concerns themselves are real, and if they will be addressed in a way positive to everyone else, this will be great!

So, we'll see. Under current administration, the risks for it derailing into the hate fest are quite high, but fingers crossed.

[–] reiterationstation@lemm.ee 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Most likely no one shows up.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] apocalypticat@lemmy.world 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Pride: "equal rights for all".

Straight pride: "all people are equal, but straights are more equal than others".

[–] Illogicalbit@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago

These things always feel like someone shouting “I have a birthday too!“ at someone else’s birthday party.

[–] Luouth@lemmy.world 29 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

This sounds like something a group of Incels would plan to get their buttocks to accidentally touch the buttocks of another young man.

collapsed inline media

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 25 points 2 days ago

I'm a straight dude and would love to socially meet more hetero women... but this sounds like the lamest and (ironically) gayest event I've ever heard of. Guaranteed it's going to be filled with ugly, un-fun, angry people counter-protesting. You know the type, critically concerned with what the fuck other consenting adults do...?

[–] Gowron_Howard@lemm.ee 25 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Honestly, there’s no punchline better than this just being a thing.

[–] limelight79@lemm.ee 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The turnout will be about 10 people.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

I dunno... there are a lot of hateful shitbag people out there

[–] frezik@midwest.social 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Straight people celebrating being the ones to perpetuate the human race give argument for not perpetuating the human race

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (14 children)

I'm hetero, but I'm also happily child free.

But also I wouldn't attend this event. If people want to be gay, be gay. If people want to be christian, be christian. If people want to be a dinosaur, be a dinosaur.

I don't give a fuck what other people do. As long as they're respectful to everybody, and don't hurt anybody, that's cool. You be you.

Except for Andy Dick, whose last name is apt.

load more comments (14 replies)
[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It sounds like the most cringe thing ever. So yeah, let them do it, I wanna see it (mostly to point and laugh).

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

is it just a bunch of white guys standing around talking about how potato's are neat

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

My generation called that kind of party a “sausage fest.”

And not the fun kind.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Rustic_Fry@literature.cafe 17 points 1 day ago

Grinder crashes immediately

[–] CuddlyCassowary@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I’ve never seen it, but I’m already sure their flag sucks.

[–] Frog@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They hate rainbows so it's just a white flag.

They should name it the White Pride Parade.

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 15 points 2 days ago

Actually, there has been a straight ally flag for quite a while now it's not bad

collapsed inline mediastraight ally flag

So i looked it up and that without the rainbow 'a' is actually on Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_flag

It's resemblance to old prison uniforms is quite ironic:

collapsed inline media

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] anarchiddy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

He, more like hetero sausage fest

Ayooo

my wife came up with this

[–] missingno@fedia.io 13 points 2 days ago

"No hate at all, it's a love thing."

But also LGTBQ+ people are "disgusting and criminal".

[–] sircac@lemmy.world 10 points 21 hours ago

Sounds like some insecurities need reaffirmation...

[–] DemBoSain@midwest.social 10 points 2 days ago

You all heard it. This year Hedonism will be held on the front lawn of the Idaho capitol building.

load more comments
view more: next ›