this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2025
439 points (98.9% liked)

Not The Onion

16004 readers
1302 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/28668930

cross-posted from: https://metawire.eu/post/49083

President Donald Trump has issued a full pardon for loyalist Michele Fiore, who paid for her plastic surgery with funds that were meant for a statue honoring a slain police officer

top 34 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] thoughtfuldragon@lemmy.blahaj.zone 69 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is gender affirming care.

[–] shy_mia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 days ago

Alamb intensifies

[–] radix@lemmy.world 49 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Google Translate for Conservativese:

LAW ➡️ The exercise of state power, or its agents. e.g. "The law is at the door."

ORDER ➡️ Social hierarchy. e.g. This pardon restored order by putting this woman a back in the social hierarchy where a white conservative belongs, rather than at the bottom, under the bootheel of the law, with the brown people.

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

100%.

Law - the whims of the king and his agents regardless of what the written law is. The written law will be ignored or interpreted and then modified retroactively to suit the king’s whims. The law only applies to opponents, critics, outgroups, minorities, and those that can be interpreted as foreign. The king and his sycophants can get away with whatever they want.

Can’t argue with “Order”.

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 48 points 2 days ago

If this were any other president than Trump it would've been a great Onion back in the day, but to be honest a headline like this wouldn't for a second make me doubt whether it's satire or not.

[–] marble@sh.itjust.works 38 points 2 days ago

She should at least be made to get a tattoo reading "Alyn Beck memorial tits" or whatever she had done.

[–] einlander@lemmy.world 38 points 2 days ago (3 children)

TFW the government doesn't back the blue.

[–] futatorius@lemm.ee 20 points 2 days ago

They only back them when they're murdering or brutalizing us.

[–] Ashelyn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 days ago

Well if they die then they're just suckers and losers like all the dead military servicepeople

[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 5 points 2 days ago

They say they back the blue but don't support the Dems, curious

[–] kn0wmad1c@programming.dev 26 points 2 days ago

The tough on crime president putting criminals back on the street left and right

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Please, I want Donny to have made some incredibly sleazy remark when he signed that!

Also fuck them both with a spade.

[–] BenjiRenji@feddit.org 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

"If only Sanders would get some surgery too... that relief fund for Arkansas could be organized from the money we saved from that female reproductive study."

Edit: Just saw they didn't cut that money for the study after all.

[–] TheGingerNut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 days ago

Stealing from cops to buy tits. What could be more American than that?

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This part of the article is interesting (and sad):

Fiore, who does not have a law degree, was appointed as a judge in deep-red Nye County in 2022 shortly after she lost her campaign for state treasurer.

[–] glitch1985@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I've watched a ton of judge Judy episodes and also feel qualified to judge others.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

that is how you get goons. now she knows she is fucked if Trump goes and she will do whatever it takes to make sure he doesn't

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Trump gave her a pardon, how is she fucked if he goes away?

Now looking at her past she's done plenty of other terrible things, and after this she'll likely continue to do terrible things. So it won't be long until she needs another pardon for a new crime (or the uncovering of an existing crime).

She was also already a Trump loyalist.

So this is less a "bribe" and more a "reward".

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (4 children)

my assumption is that if Trump ever goes he will be going down with a lot of trouble and people will try to undo his damages and make an example from those who benefited from his abuse of powers such as clearly illegal pardons.

[–] Norin@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

He ain’t leaving unless it’s in a casket.

[–] limelight79@lemm.ee 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What makes this an illegal pardon?

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

perhaps illegal was not the correct word. let's say on the very unethical side of an ethical scale of pardons (president having pardon powers is already starting with a non zero unethical score for me)

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

We can hope there is a reckoning, a restoral of law and order, restoring Constitutional checks and balances, and justice for those who broke it

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's my point, unless he is aware of additional crimes Trump has nothing on this woman. She was convicted of a crime, it happened, that doesn't go away. What goes away is the punishment.

Additionally the pardon power is absolute, even Trump knows that as he's been bitching about being unable to do anything after Biden preemptively pardoned a handful of people.

Now if you could uncover some type of quid pro quo for this pardon that would be a new crime and you could get both of them on that (possibly). Although I'm think technically Trump could sell pardons and that would be legal. It would be abhorrent. It would be unethical. But it would legal. (Although hopefully he would be impeached, but that's also a separate process.)

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

It is not that Trump has her directly under her control by some sort of blackmail. It is more like situational control. She has benefited from the Trump presidency to the point that her gross misconducts were pardoned. That now ties her sort of organically to Trump and if newcomers want to undo everything Trump has done and take some sort of revenge, they will pay extra attention to dig extra dirt that such people have (which this woman most definitely has).

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

I do agree it makes a very public attachment to Trump. However she was already nicknamed "Lady Trump" so she was already pretty attached.

Either way we agree that the pardon is a terrible act and the crime, which should not have been pardoned, was also a terrible act.

[–] Donjuanme@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago

Arrest the judges, pardon the con artists

[–] vinyl@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

There's no honor among thieves

[–] MyOpinion@lemm.ee 5 points 2 days ago

If you are a complete piece of shit person the Orange Turd has got your back.

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yet another failed actor/actress.

Its a weird thing now so much if the right wing is filled with people who so desperately want to be special a D seen as so by everyone else but will shift to willing to take any path to get there.

Its like they thought those were the easiest ways to get fame and money and that is as far as the thought went and it works when your leader is this gross but in your corner.

Want to know why the kids are turning conservative? This feels like why. They see they need to drop morals to get what they want and they have been told what they want is fame and money or they will never be happy.

[–] SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

A friend years ago clued me in to the Rosetta Stone for understanding conservatives: At base, they have a deep, abiding self-hatred. Yes, people often say it's fear, but everybody's motivated by fear of something. The conservative is motivated specifically by fear that they're worthless, that they don't measure up.

It makes so much sense when you game it out: They're constantly needing external validation that they are good, or at least, better than somebody else. The basis of racism becomes clear as day in this light, and the desperate need to be special is just kind of axiomatic.

[–] smontanaro@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

As if there was any question if George Santos will get a pardon...