this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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I didn't think he would really do it.

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[–] fordfisher@feddit.org 275 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Pope didn't say Thank you.

[–] negativenull@lemmy.world 150 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] Especially_the_lies@startrek.website 43 points 1 week ago (1 children)

White Pope robes? Don't you know how to wear respectful clothing?

[–] RelativeArea1@sh.itjust.works 29 points 1 week ago

maybe it lacks some stuff....like a pointy hood thingy

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[–] Acamon@lemmy.world 203 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you're old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think "fuck it, I don't need to put up with this shit anymore."

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 87 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Lol .... this is it

When you're at the end of your life and hanging on the edge looking for a glimmer of hope .... then you get visited by an absolute tool that is only motivated by greed and power and represents a general apathy for any kind of humanity ...

you just think to yourself, "yeah, nah, this isn't worth it any more"

[–] barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 23 points 6 days ago

Especially if you genuinely believe in an afterlife. At some point, you think, "Why am I tolerating this tool? I got MUCH better places to be."

[–] NorthernDreams@lemmy.world 159 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Just want to point out this is what furniture in the Vatican looked like before Pope Francis

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And then after Pope Francis

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[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 73 points 1 week ago

Yeah, as far as popes go he was pretty chill

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 47 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Still needed a way to finance a billion dollar corporation with tens of thousands of prime real estate all over the world managed by a legion of professional clergy all managed by a central office that is it's own country at the center of one of the most expensive cities in the world ..... all while spreading the message of piety, peace and being humble.

As much as everyone likes to glorify catholic leaders, they're still a mafia force that is based on money and wealth and Christian faith last

[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 50 points 6 days ago (8 children)

For sure, but as long as the mafia exists (which looks like it's going to be for a good long while still) I want it to have the leader who will do the most good possible, even if it's still a net negative. There are those out there who would use the resources to do a lot of harm.

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[–] Kazumara@discuss.tchncs.de 31 points 6 days ago (3 children)

If anyone really cares, that's because Pope Francis was from the Jesuit Order. The first pope to be one. They swear poverty among other things, so the golden chair wouldn't look appropriate.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 18 points 6 days ago

Finally gets to visit the pope; does't get to fuck the fancy chairs. 😔

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[–] stinerman@midwest.social 112 points 1 week ago (1 children)

He had his eye on a really nice couch in the lobby.

[–] ReallyActuallyFrankenstein@lemmynsfw.com 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Imagine a couch. Comfortable. Soft. Now imagine it can move you around wherever you want to go. Imagine it is surrounded by bullet-proof glass to keep you safe, but also so you can enjoy adoration from millions of people without even having to get up.

Well, it exists, but it's one-of-a-kind, it can only have one owner, and it's currently spoken-for. What do you do?

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 19 points 6 days ago

Vance killing the Pope in order to get a chance at fucking the Pope-mobile is my new favorite head cannon.

[–] dan1101@lemm.ee 84 points 1 week ago (3 children)

The pope asked the Trump administration to be kind to immigrants and the poor. Can't have talk like that from the church.

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 31 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Doesn't the Pope know that empathy is a sin?

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[–] TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 58 points 1 week ago

Realistically, no, but I still think it should be said frequently with sincerity.

[–] tauren@lemm.ee 57 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The Pope refused to join his Signal group.

[–] Krackalot@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 1 week ago

He joined the wrong signal group. Vance only realized when the pope asked "what's up with all the couch pics?"

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 52 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 20 points 5 days ago
[–] mp3@lemmy.ca 51 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] Feelfold@lemm.ee 49 points 6 days ago

JD didn't do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 47 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I don't think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.

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Death by cringe

[–] VinesNFluff@pawb.social 40 points 6 days ago

JD Vance just existed

The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance's presence.

[–] kikutwo@lemmy.world 34 points 1 week ago

Pope met the antichrist and said I'm outta here.

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 28 points 1 week ago

Probably not because the Pope didn't say thank you. Zelensky is still alive. He probably didn't say please as well.

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 28 points 6 days ago

Vance took off his human mask and showed the pope what a demon looks like.

[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

To get a right wing replacement, duh.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 27 points 5 days ago

the vatican couch was plush

[–] barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 25 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Vance is too stupid to kill him, he'd fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He'd end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.

Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.

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[–] aceshigh@lemmy.world 25 points 5 days ago

The pope didn’t thank him

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 23 points 5 days ago

Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN

[–] stonedtemplepilot@lemmy.world 23 points 6 days ago

I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao

[–] LordOfLocksley@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago

Same reason Liz Truss killed the Queen

[–] Rakonat@lemmy.world 20 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Obviously Vance wanted to fuck the Papal seat. The pope tried to explain that he couldn't just let Vance fuck the chair of St Peter. Vance did not like this answer.

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[–] cj2127@lemm.ee 19 points 5 days ago

He probably didn't even do it on purpose. But I'm sure he did it.

[–] Sarmyth@lemmy.world 19 points 6 days ago (1 children)

He's both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more "pro-apocalypse" Pope in place.

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[–] baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

The pope realized that no just or loving god would let that couch fucker anywhere near any position of power, so he offed himself out of depression.

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[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 17 points 5 days ago

Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.

[–] FrankFrankson@lemmy.world 16 points 6 days ago (2 children)

The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD's request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.

As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.

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[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

because the pope wouldn't give him his couch

[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 1 week ago

That pure malice that emanates from JankyDick is not recommended for anyone over the age of 80.

[–] Ilixtze@lemm.ee 14 points 6 days ago (5 children)

Vance saw this sexy ass chair And he just had to fuck it. I had to get down and dirty with that fancy seat. The pope tried to get in his way.

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[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 14 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Vance is pure evil. Pure evil needs to feed to sustain. In the face of pure evil the pope lost all hope and then Vance fed upon his soul.

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