At first, I told him the rest of the team was having trouble connecting with him. He would wander off without telling anyone where he was going or what he was doing, which gave the impression that he wasn’t working. I explained that optics matter, because we’re all in this together. If we can’t count on each other, it makes it harder for everyone. He appreciated that conversation, but things didn’t improve.

He continued to show up late or call in sick, often on days when he knew we’d be busiest. I talked to him again about reliability—how it's the most basic form of respect. Not just for your workplace, but for yourself. When you say you're going to do something or be somewhere, it’s vital that your word means something. If you can’t be counted on, how can anyone rely on you?

I didn’t just tell him this. I lived it. I showed him with kindness and consistency how important those basic values are.

Last week was the busiest week our team has ever faced. It was also one of the most critical in terms of proving what we could do together. I prepped the team ahead of time and told them how proud I was to step up to the challenge with them.

On the first of the two most important days, he was late. The first 15 minutes were the most crucial of the entire day, and he missed half of them. I wasn’t angry. I handled it myself. But when he arrived, I told him how stressful that time was for me, and I reminded him again how important these two days were. He said he understood. He said he was sorry.

The next morning, I was 15 minutes into busting my ass alone. I texted him: Where are you? Nothing. Radio silence. No reply that day. Not a single call or message.

The next day, he told me he was sick and had a doctor’s note. The note was timestamped 3:45 p.m., and it said he was cleared to return to work that day.

I just stared at it for a moment. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t yell. I just said, “Okay,” and continued working. We worked in silence for most of the day.

Later, he said casually, “I heard you were upset yesterday morning.”

I replied calmly, “I was. Yes. It was stressful.”

He shrugged and said, “Sorry about that.”

I didn’t respond. I just kept working. Then, just before I left, I turned to him and said this in a calm but measured tone:

“Let me clarify something. Yesterday, I was upset because it was stressful. I’m not upset today. I’m disappointed today. I wanted to be able to say to the rest of the team that I could rely on you when it mattered most. But I can’t say that. I can’t defend you to the team when they feel like you leave them to figure it out on their own, because you left me when I told you I needed you the most. I’m not upset. I’m deeply disappointed.”

He tried to defend himself with the doctor’s note, but I raised my hand to stop him. He waited for me to say something else, but I didn’t. I let the silence speak, then walked out.

I’m sharing this because I saw this meme and it made me feel sad and reflect. I know it may be counter to the fun of the meme, but I thought the point was worth sharing.

Sometimes, jobs are crappy. Sometimes you work for people who don’t care but still expect you to. In those cases, I understand the temptation to stop caring or to burn bridges that don’t seem worth crossing.

But here’s my advice:

Respect—not because others have earned it, but because you are worth giving it to.

Hold yourself to a higher standard, not for them, but for you. Elevate yourself because it's worth doing. Be better to yourself.

And when others who also respect themselves find you, they’ll recognize that quality in you. That’s when you find people worth teaming up with. That’s how you build something greater, something that’s not just productive, but meaningful and fun.

[–] fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com 5 points 2 days ago (8 children)

I really appreciate where you're coming from, does the company respect him? It's clear you do, but if a person's time is not being respected through compensation then this might be an unrealistic expectation. Respect is a two way street.

[–] Bamboodpanda@lemmy.world -1 points 2 days ago (7 children)

You’re 100% right that respect should be a two-way street. I said "should" be. It often is not. Especially when it comes to systems like fair compensation, time, and effort. No argument there. If a company or a boss is disrespecting your time and well-being, that needs to be addressed, period.

What I was trying to explore in my story is a different layer. Something personal and internal. Though respect should be a two way street, it is still a street worth walking alone. That even in imperfect systems, even when others don’t “earn” your respect or see your effort, there’s still a kind of power in choosing to show up with integrity. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.

Choosing to be reliable, communicative, and accountable, even when others aren’t, helps shape who you are. It builds character, trustworthiness, and personal dignity. It teaches you to lead yourself. That’s the kind of respect no one can take from you, even when the outer rewards aren’t there yet.

It’s not about obedience. It’s about owning your path.

It transforms your mind and, in turn, your life. It is a path worth walking.

Thanks again for engaging with the nuance. I really value conversations like this.

[–] tamman2000@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What I was trying to explore in my story is a different layer. Something personal and internal. Though respect should be a two way street, it is still a street worth walking alone. That even in imperfect systems, even when others don’t “earn” your respect or see your effort, there’s still a kind of power in choosing to show up with integrity. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.

I think that's a fine way to go through life. But to expect it of others is messed up. Some people don't want to prioritize a job that will not prioritise them, and that's fine. Your suggestion is just a little too close to "tread on me harder, Daddy" than a lot of people are comfortable with. And they aren't wrong. If doing the work for yourself works for you, that is great. It will make your life easier in some ways. But it absolutely should not be expected in our society.

[–] Bamboodpanda@lemmy.world -2 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I want to clarify something I’ve been trying to express in this conversation.

I’m not saying anyone owes loyalty, effort, or integrity to a company that doesn’t respect them. If a workplace is unfair or exploitative, people have every right to disengage or walk away. That’s not just valid, it’s necessary.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

What I’m talking about is you. Who you choose to be, no matter what kind of environment you’re in. Are you on time? Do you follow through on your word? Are you consistent and accountable. Even when no one’s watching?

This isn’t about your boss. This isn’t about your company. This is about whether you want to be the kind of person who can be trusted, counted on, and respected by yourself.

When you live by values like integrity, honesty, and reliability, not because anyone’s rewarding you, but because they reflect who you are, you gain something real. You grow. You get stronger. You carry that into everything else in your life, your relationships, your work, your reputation, your self-worth.

This isn’t submission. This isn’t compliance. You can absolutely reject broken systems while still choosing to live by your own standards. That’s what I mean by self-respect. That’s where the power is.

So when I told my guy, “I’m disappointed,” it wasn’t about control or discipline. It was about hope. I’ve tried to show him what it looks like to show up, not because someone’s cracking a whip, but because you want to be the kind of person who shows up.

I hold him to that standard because I see what’s possible in him and I believe in what those values can unlock for anyone.

This is not about imposing expectations. It’s an invitation. To rise. To grow. To build something in yourself that no one can take away.

And yes, I believe we need more of that in the world. Not because we’re told to, but because we choose to.

[–] dil@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 days ago

death takes everything away, everything can be taken away, no such thing as building something that cant be taken away

[–] tamman2000@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't think we didn't understand what you're getting at. I think you're missing my point though.

You're describing the way you see respect and work in your value system. Totally valid.

I'm saying that to some people bringing that kind of commitment to a job that disrespects you by not compensating you adequately is disrespectful to yourself.

Are you the kind of person who goes the extra mile for people above you in a hierarchy who don't give a shit about you? To many, answering yes to that question indicates the lack of self respect, not the presence of it.

[–] Bamboodpanda@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

This isn't about pouring yourself out for an employer that doesn't care. It's not about "going above and beyond." It's not about grinding harder or giving more than you're getting. That's not the standard I'm talking about.

What I am talking about is the foundation. I am talking about the basic, essential qualities that every relationship (personal or professional) is built on: reliability, respect, integrity, follow-through.

If you say, "I'll be there at 5," then be there at 5. That has nothing to do with giving more or going the extra mile. It's about whether people can trust your word. Whether your actions line up with what you say. Whether others (teammates, friends, partners, family) know that your word has value.

When you've built that foundation of trust, life's inevitable curveballs become manageable and explainable. When you have a genuine emergency, when circumstances beyond your control interfere, people believe you. They extend grace because your track record speaks for itself. But if you're consistently unreliable, every excuse (legitimate or not) gets met with skepticism. You've lost the benefit of the doubt.

The employee I mentioned wasn't being asked to sacrifice for a system. He was being asked to keep his word. He said he would be there. He wasn't. He has never been mistreated or underpaid. The opposite actually. He was hired with no experience into a well-paying, supportive environment. Every failure has been met with encouragement from leadership. But honestly? That's not even the point. Because the values I'm talking about matter regardless of whether the system is fair or not.

Why? Because these values belong to you. You take them with you wherever you go. They make you stronger, clearer, more capable of building relationships that matter. They are what open doors (not just in jobs, but in life). And they’re what create the trust that protects you when things go wrong.

I'm not calling people to give more to bad systems. I'm calling people to give more to themselves. To build a foundation they can stand on so when they do need to call out injustice, advocate for change, or walk away, they do it from a place of strength, not reaction. Not out of anger, but out of clarity.

So yes, I am trying to convince people of something. Not to serve power. But to be powerful.

And the truth is, you can't build anything strong (anywhere) if people can't count on you. That's not a corporate value. That's a human one.

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