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Look I'm sure you mean well but I've been hearing roughly the same line my entire life. "Nobody said it would be easy, the world needs you!" I've listened before, and all it's gotten me is some unknowable amount of blood on my hands (complete with recurring detailed nightmares from the times I've watched the end results of my work) and completely discarded from society when it started affecting my mental health. The world is legitimately a worse place for the scientific endeavors I've been part of, and it absolutely does not need another overconfident white guy who was raised to be an oppressor and has been marinating in propaganda for the better part of 3 decades. It's got enough of those already, strictly to the detriment of everybody living here
Hey man you’ve got nothing but agreeance from me. You’re 100 percent right. I moved from the Deep South to the pacific north west because I was horrified by my roots and by what my family contributed to. But I have zero excuses for not having a better attitude, more resilience and at least attempting to better the world. You’re not wrong, but none of your feelings change the fact that the world does, in fact, need your brain power- especially if you’re capable of such deep introspection. I value you. I hope you can start to value yourself.
You are fucking awesome.
My siblings feel the same way. Three of us and zero grandkids. Trying to live lightly upon this earth and not commit the same sins as the ones before us.
I just hope we haven’t permafucked this planet
If you have a doctor that you can see, you could ask about trying Prazosin for the nightmares. It's a blood pressure medication that has been shown to reduce PTSD nightmares, and getting better quality sleep can make a huge difference in your ability to handle everything else. It's a dirt-cheap medication with minimal side effects, and it's not a controlled substance that shows up on anything.