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Firstly, I'd like to thank you for the thoughtful comment, it gave me a lot to think about, and i'm grateful. I did not feel you were trying to bring me down, quite the opposite.
I guess my problem is that i try to articulate my thoughts as much as possible because i fear being misunderstood. It relates to my childhood experiences and my personal social difficulties, i struggle with neurodivergence so communication doesn't often come natural to me, so I try to explain things as best as i understand them and in the end i prove that i don't understand them very well. My countermeasures trip my tongue and often i feel like i've exhaustively explained something only to find the persone in front of me, somewhat dumbfounded at best and irate at worst.
This happens specially with complex topics that charge me emotionally.
Add to that the fact that i'm not a native english speaker so maybe it is more prominent in this kind of writing. This excessive articulation then also happens internally when I think about my emotions and perceptions and i'm pretty sure it hinders my ability to understand myself. It's also very energy-consuming.
Thank you again for giving me this opportunity to being constructive to myself in such a respectful way, it's rare to find in the internet these days and i genuinely appreciate it