The tide is definitely changing on this front, but the pressure is still strong. I saw an engagement fall apart because a dude was largely okay with his fiancée keeping her surname, except for a bit of sadness that he felt they'd feel like less of a family if they didn't share a surname (especially after kids). She (mostly jokingly) suggested that he could change his name to match hers, and to everyone's surprise, he blew up about it, saying some stuff that seemed super out of character for him. She didn't care much about the surname thing, but was thrown off by how much this had touched a nerve, so tried to broach the topic a few more times, to understand why even the idea of changing his surname to hers was so upsetting. The answer was fragile masculinity

He seemed like a solidly progressive guy, so the entire friend group was surprised by some of the shit he spouted. What really blew me away though is that after the engagement fell apart, a lot of guys I knew said that although he was clearly out of line in his behaviour, that they could sympathise with him to some extent because "[his fiancée] should have known not to even joke about it". I realised that many of them held the contradictory position of considering it degrading to change one's surname when getting married (especially for men), whilst simultaneously hoping (or expecting) their future wives to take their name.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

There is not a rule that they need to. It's just been done for so long that most people just don't think about it or the implications.

[–] Zron@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

We decided not to do it just because it’s gotten so fucking complicated in the modern era.

Back when women didn’t have rights, sure get a new name. But now that means going through the court to change your name, then to the DMV for a new ID, then going to the bank immediately to change that, then getting new insurance cards, then updating her retirement account, then getting the car registration changed to the new name, then all of the credit cards need to be re-issued, then her medical license needs to re-issued, and her license to carry, and I’m sure there’s a few that also need to be updated that I forgot about.

We made a list and looked at how long it would take to fill out one of the name change forms at the bank. It would take like 3 days of doing nothing but changing the name just to have everything updated. And then her friends had issues with insurance denying care because of the name mismatch, even after they’d had it updated.

It’s so much work for no gain

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

I mean I am not there yet but I guess it depends on a person to person basis.

[–] barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 4 points 2 weeks ago

I've wondered that all my life. In a nation that has accepted feminism (more or less), it seems wierd that women change their names when they get married.

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Because women are still largely considered the lesser counter parts to men, and we can't have their lineage (in name only, mind you) carry on.

[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

I can’t speak for all cultures but Arabs don’t so this. I also think it is haram in Islam but not absolutely certain.