this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2025
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Tortoises have obscenely large genitals
Fed on a diet of pizza (totally wrong for a tortoise) and kept out of the sun for the majority of the time by that psychopath of a rat, it's unlikely these kids don't have massive developmental issues and stunned growth.
That’s why tortoise isn’t my nickname.
I can attest to this. We have a sixty pound salcota tortoise, who gets very randy around his black rubber feeding bowl...looks like a fleshy flower. Like something you'd see in Stranger Things' upside down.
Edit: punctuation
Yeah and they can get pretty loud (bumping of shells and moaning)
Booking a flight as we speak.