Ask Lemmy

I’ve been in a committed relationship for the past few years, so I haven’t got the freshest experience, but:

I’ve always had luck with tinder and similar ones. Current relationship is from there too. But this is for mono relationships.

When I was going through my poly experiments era, tinder really didn’t work out for me. Or any of the others at the time, but tinder’s been the biggest here regionally so I’ll keep using that in place of all the similar apps.

Surprisingly enough, for any poly or just more casual stuff otherwise, the most action and great memories and experiences I got through Jodel. It’s not a dating app, but somehow it just happened to work. I didn’t explicitly send messages to anyone either, it just came to be.

Which is all to say, it’s not the explicitly dating apps alone one should consider. Or, rather, I guess it depends a lot on what one’s looking for, and perhaps speaks to just how much people you can meet and get contact with and get excited about and have nice memories with, without trying explicitly to do that. Just organically connecting with people on a personal level without any masks on.

But I never thought any of the different ways to meet people are necessarily bad or gave me any problems or whatever. People just meet and click, if they dare to put themselves out there. When I was younger, it was through school, work, bars, friends’ friends, parties, gigs, festivals, cafes, libraries… you know, basically anywhere there are people, you might just accidentally find a fun or endearing adventure with someone.

That’s not to say there aren’t any bad experiences too. But it does a lot of good to instead focus on the good ones and try and hang on to them, so you’ll dare to throw yourself out there again and have more of them. I know it’s not as easily done as it is said, but outright dismissing it without seriously trying will definitely not help and even actively sabotage your own confidence and vibe, you know?

A lot of it is just attitude. If you can find a way to remain happy and endearing and brave enough to get personal, close, even if for just little whiles at a time, then I almost guarantee you, you’ll just attract others somehow, somewhere, always. The question I guess is, will you pick up on it or dare to go with it when it comes to you? Because that shit is hard and stressful if you’re not used to it, very easy to just skip or ignore outright without even trying, without exposing yourself to the potential harm and heartbreak (potential love and warm memories too, mind you!), and only repeat practice will ultimately give you the perspective and outlook required to come out better each time.

But I digress. I know not everyone has a good time with these, perhaps a lot of it is regional/cultural too, but almost everyone I know, have mostly had amazing experiences, ultimately, through these apps. Some get to it some other way, mostly the means alternate, but people just tend to find each others naturally, somehow just end up in the right place in the right time. Sometimes that’s the tinder or other dating app. Sometimes it’s something else.

But I haven’t personally heard any horror stories, and all the heartbreak and sad stories have always ultimately been overshadowed by later joy and warmth found in the exact same apps or whatever. Neither have I experienced anything out of ordinary. Some heartbreak, some disappointments, sure, but most importantly, love and caring to outshine those. Nothing that wouldn’t happen if met otherwise.