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You're right. Lately, I've even thought about dying instantly and without fear, but part of me wants to live, and part of me doesn't, and it's been like that for five years now. At first, I thought about putting a bullet in my forehead, but now I'm thinking about dying instantly from a nuclear explosion so that I don't even have a chance to think about resisting.
you should probably see a therapist/psychiatrist...believe it or not most people don't feel this way.
and if that feeling detracts from your ability to improve yourself/get better, you might just need a little chemical help to sorta jumpstart your brain up enough so you can work on improving yourself.
It's not worth it. Some parts of life suck ass, but the good parts exist and are worth it.
Instead of killing yourself, try to "kill" your expectations and ego. "Kill" the idea of the person you need to be or the live you need to live.
Consider Diogenes, who lived happily like a dog in the market of classical Athens, because he understood that the things that society prescribed value are arbitrary and artificial. He felt no pressure to be or achieve anything in particular--he simply lived, like the animal that he understood himself to be.
The social pressures and forces that bother us today are likely just as arbitrary and artificial as the ones that Diogenes faced. A simple change of philosophy maybe be all you need.
Finally, you should also consider the chemical aspect of your emotions, and that your depression may be caused or exacerbated by an imbalance of natural chemicals in your brain. It's worth seeking medical advice from a psychiatrist to see if drugs can help you.
I know what you mean, every single phrase you said I've thought before, seriously.