this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2025
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Writing the next hit romance novel (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works
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[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 132 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Her lips quivered as his eyebrows quivered. She looked at him like a dog staring at a ham.

[–] Geometrinen_Gepardi@sopuli.xyz 61 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I cannot read this without hearing Leslie Nielsen's voice.

[–] Ininewcrow@piefed.ca 35 points 1 day ago

"Like a blind man at an orgy ... I was going to have to feel my way through" - Frank Drebin

[–] duckythescientist@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 day ago (3 children)

My mind went to Liam Neeson

[–] SantasMagicalComfort@piefed.world 6 points 21 hours ago

It’s a pale imitation.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 2 points 17 hours ago

I heard that he's riddled with aids.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 2 points 17 hours ago

Liam Nielsen

[–] oatscoop@midwest.social 48 points 1 day ago (2 children)

My favorite of all time and winner of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss—a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

-- Molly Ringle, Seattle WA

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

thanks, today i learned :
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC) was a tongue-in-cheek contest, held annually and sponsored by the English Department of San José State University in San Jose, California until 2025. Entrants were invited "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels" – that is, one which was deliberately bad. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 3 points 10 hours ago

I need mouthwash after reading this.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Seconds passed, then minutes more. Hours even: that's 2,4,6,8 and so on. She waited with a baited breath, ensnaring precious oxygen into her lungs with reckless abandon. If air was money, she'd be sniffing every fart like it's rent. That's not what she did though. So she waited.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 points 10 hours ago

You should have entered the Lython contest