this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2025
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As a lesbian leaning pansexual, I keep asking the question "are straights okay"
No, they are not. (As a straight person by most definitions probably)
If I linked to the data showing that f/f couples have higher domestic violence than either m/f or m/m couples and then said 'I keep asking "are lesbians okay"', would you not think that a callous and insensitive thing to say, implying that it's majority or typical behavior for lesbians?
Then I would tell you you're not original, we've all seen that "data" and it doesn't say what you think it says so you can't read. I'd also remind you reactions like that are why you're single.
Is this a bad time to point out that "are the lesbians okay" yields a paltry 172 results on Google (and on top of that, the first page of results is mostly not people using it the way the hypothetical in my analogy does)?
Seems much more original than most things you can find online, objectively speaking.
Poisoning the well. State what makes it illegitimate, with specificity, if you can.
Even if I did misinterpret any given source of information, calling me illiterate for doing so is comically over-the-top cruel. For shame.
The person I just celebrated an anniversary with would be very amused to read this. And like me, she'd recognize
Anyway, if you'd like to at least pretend to be someone who's interested in more than creating an illiterate unlovable strawman to insult for your own ego's sake, here is my response to a far less caustic retort.
And this just cements the fact that you can't read. You're not original, because your dumb misinterpreted study has been posted and debunked to hell and back.
And you're also delusional. I'm not surprised.
But it seems all you've demonstrated proficiency in is slinging clumsy, unoriginal (more irony!) barbs.
You know what's extra ironic about your reply? It was literally my partner getting my attention for a moment that broke my train of thought and resulted in me not completing that sentence. Of course, now it's best not to fix it until after I share this exchange with her, it'll make her reading this part extra amusing. :)
Why, oh why, do you think you deserve my time and effort for anything else than making fun of your lack of intelligence and social skills?
Concession accepted.
I'm curious. Do you just speak like this on purpose or is it a consequence of too much reddit?
Marginalized groups have no problem acting in the exact way they expect others not to about them.
I know the study you mean and you're misrepresenting it. It asks people who identify as lesbian whether they have experienced domestic abuse at all, and concludes they're more likely to answer 'yes' than straight women.
But that alone doesnt say who is doing the abuse. Remember lesbians often date men before coming out. When asking whether the perpetrator was male or female and separating the data, the stats shifted. Lesbians experienced less DV from their female partners than straight women do from their male ones.
Women are also capable of abuse of course, but a large amount of the DV lesbians received was still from men.
Short version: They almost certainly haven't dated more men than the female demographic that dates exclusively men, while simultaneously reporting a much lower domestic violence incidence than them. The above absolutely does not hold water on its own as refutation.
Long (you've been warned, lol) version:
Even if we assumed the following for the sake of argument:
Then in aggregate, the abuse incidence between hetero women and lesbians should be effectively equal.
But we know that in the real world, #2 is obviously more than zero, and #3 is obviously less than 100%. So how can it possibly be true that the DV percentage among lesbians is so much higher?
There are only two ways, at least one of the following must be true:
I found data about "sex partners" for lesbians, but that's not the same as romantic partners, and surprisingly, I haven't been able to actually find any hard data that simply says "self-identified lesbians have X romantic partners over their lifetimes on average". I found a figure of 4-4.3 for "women" in general, but that's no help here, both because there's no 'lesbian figure' for comparison, and because that figure isn't a 'hetero women figure' anyway. Kind of a dead end, here.
As for the second bullet point, see the link below about the woman being found to have been the perpetrator of DV in over 70% of m/f relationships in which only one of the two partners commits DV. That by itself can explain the disparity in DV incidence between lesbians and hetero women, I think.
Got a link for that?
That's arguably a significant understatement, according to this study:
Regardless, ultimately my point was that, regardless of statistics like these, I don't say things like "are the lesbians okay", because idiotic generalizations like that serve no positive purpose (making the speaker feel superior to the target doesn't count as a positive purpose in my eyes), and I was trying to get the person I replied to to gain some empathy, with an analogy.