Programmer Humor

Why do people do stuff like this, is the logic not difficult enough to follow on it's own without a secondary definition table to consult!? Fucking hell.

I don't know what's worse... That program or that you put biscuits greater than bacon...

Actually I think the greater crime is biscuits being greater than bacon

I don’t know how old you are but when I was in school, this was just going out of style. They saw this as job security. If you’re the only one who can work on the code, then they won’t fire you

Oh god, that's worse than I've seen where a SQL query joining 10 tables aliased all of the tables as a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j.

It was a mess, and as a new dev on the project, trying to figure out which where clause was for which table and how things worked was a fucking nightmare. Trying to keep a dictionary of letters to real table names in your head as you looked at the query was very taxing. In the end, I just fixed it all to stop using aliases. Or to use short abbreviations.

Here's a mock example:

SELECT
    j.delivery_eta,
    c.cat_desc,
    a.part_number,
    h.region_label,
    f.wh_loc,
    e.emp_last,
    g.state_flag,
    b.mfg_title,
    i.ship_track_code,
    d.order_sum,
    a.created_on,
    j.last_scanned_at,
    e.emp_first,
    c.cat_code,
    g.state_level
FROM parts AS a
INNER JOIN manufacturers AS b 
    ON a.manufacturers_id = b.id
INNER JOIN categories AS c 
    ON a.categories_id = c.id
INNER JOIN orders AS d 
    ON a.orders_id = d.id
INNER JOIN employees AS e 
    ON d.employees_id = e.id
INNER JOIN warehouses AS f 
    ON a.warehouses_id = f.id
INNER JOIN inv_state AS g 
    ON a.inv_state_id = g.id
INNER JOIN regions AS h 
    ON f.regions_id = h.id
INNER JOIN shipments AS i 
    ON d.shipments_id = i.id
INNER JOIN logistics AS j 
    ON i.logistics_id = j.id
WHERE
    (b.mfg_title LIKE '%Corp%' OR b.mfg_title LIKE '%Global%')
    AND c.cat_desc NOT IN ('Unknown', 'None', 'Legacy')
    AND (d.order_sum > 1000 OR d.order_sum BETWEEN 250 AND 275)
    AND e.emp_last ILIKE '%berg'
    AND (f.wh_loc IN ('A1', 'Z9', 'M3') OR f.wh_loc IS NULL)
    AND g.state_flag IN ('ACT', 'PENDING')
    AND h.region_label NOT LIKE 'EXT-%'
    AND (i.ship_track_code IS NOT NULL AND i.ship_track_code <> '')
    AND (j.delivery_eta < NOW() + INTERVAL '90 days' OR j.last_scanned_at IS NULL)
    AND (a.part_number ~ '^[A-Z0-9]+$' OR a.part_number IS NULL)
    AND (
        (c.cat_code = 'X1' AND g.state_level > 2)
        OR
        (e.emp_first ILIKE 'J%' AND d.orders_id IS NOT NULL)
    );

I have a friend that uses swear words 🤷‍♂️