Ask Lemmy
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JESUS WAS AN ALIEN, AND WE STAPLED HIM TO A TREE.
NOW THEY AIN'T GON COME BACK.
That explains the miracles. He took on a humanoid form so he wouldn't frighten their simple minds, and the "miracles" he performed were just him using contemporary alien tech to heal illnesses and turn water into wine. Dude was just trying to help advance humanity, and they killed him anyway.
Imagine the insane technology we'd have today if the Romans just let him do his thing.
"You guys know where I'm going with all this, right?" -Giorgio, his hair beckoning
"water into wine" was a story about sneaking libation in where it was was forbidden. It was more "quarter behind the ear" than actual magic.
Cool. Do more pls. Other bible story interpretations pls