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160

Please help me under stand my spouse's gift and their hurt (lemmy.zip)

submitted 1 day ago by GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I've never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It's sentimental.

I don't like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It's perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don't like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I'm not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don't like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

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[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 4 points 1 day ago

I could see you not reacting well to the gift and them being upset, but then it turned into something more than that. They made the mistake of doing something that you claim is well known you don't like. You held your line and rather than let it sit for a bit insisted it had to go. Now you're both mad/upset over a gift. Doesn't make sense, does it? Even more so if the value of this object isn't that much even new. Who is hurt more by this? You're confused about their reaction but were you hurt by the act of giving, even if it was something unwanted? The core thing you should ask yourself is why it became an argument, and was it worth it? It doesn't even matter who was right.