this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2025

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157

Please help me under stand my spouse's gift and their hurt (lemmy.zip)

submitted 1 day ago by GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I've never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It's sentimental.

I don't like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It's perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don't like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I'm not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don't like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

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[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 77 points 1 day ago (4 children)

My wife got me a bartesian for Christmas last year. It makes the worst fucking drinks I've ever had in my life. It takes up space in my kitchen. The drink pods are like $3 each. It takes cleaning and maintenance. I hate everything about it.

I acted happy about it. Privately seethed and ranted. I literally would rather have gotten nothing than wasted money on that. And then I tried several drinks from it before "deciding" I had fun mixing my own drinks, but I still use it for guests and for her drinks that she likes.

I think it's god awful but I realized it made her happy and that is something I treasure. I don't know if there's anything in there for you to take away, but I can relate. Sometimes we just put on a happy face and let our loved ones enjoy giving us something.

[–] mitram2@lemmy.pt 52 points 1 day ago

For OP: This is one possible way to handle this situation, but it's not the only reasonable one

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 16 points 1 day ago

This guy knows.

[–] naught101@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Sounds like a relationship with a fair bit of conflict avoidance? I hope you have some good relief valves..

[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I mean... yeah. I'm not going to hang our laundry out, dirty or otherwise, but we have plenty of conflicts and sometimes it's good to know what is worth fighting over and what isn't. This wasn't.

[–] naught101@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Fair! Definitely wouldn't have complained, but I'm a different person :)

[–] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So OP uses new printer to print stuff for the wife?

[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago

I don't know if there's anything in there for you to take away, but I can relate.

You might've missed this part because it was kinda buried there. I'm not telling OP what to do or judging. But I related to the feeling and shared what I did.