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157

Please help me under stand my spouse's gift and their hurt (lemmy.zip)

submitted 1 day ago by GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I've never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It's sentimental.

I don't like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It's perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don't like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I'm not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don't like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

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[–] BlameThePeacock@lemmy.ca 21 points 1 day ago

This is one of those situations where nobody wins. They tried to do something nice, you didn't like it, and both people ended up unhappy. Neither was being unreasonable.

Buying someone a gift of a new thing isn't unreasonable. Even if you tend to like older/used things it's still not an unreasonable concept to buy someone an upgrade.

Not liking a gift because the old one is fine is also not unreasonable. Especially if you have established this as a preference before.

The best option here is for the partner to realize that the goal of the gift is to make the other person happy, and if that didn't work, figure out the path forward that does make them happy. (in this case returning the gift, and finding something else)