this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2025
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idk, this might just be me being ace and not understanding the tribulations of people that actually have a desire to have sex. But as a trans person who has been in the closet, I can't imagine going on Grindr if I was gay but still living with conservative parents and closeted. That feels like a risk I'd be way too scared to take.
I'm also always down to use my experience being closeted against bigots. As has at least 90% of gay men I've known. Like yeah, making my identity/sexuality The Joke feels bad. But I feel like when that joke is being played specifically on a bigot a lot of us get a lot of catharsis from it. Cuz at that point the joke isn't "Being gay is bad" it's "Welcome to the family cousin Jed" and the punchline is their freaking out about it.
idk I'm kinda rambling now. I just feel like it's different because in a lot of these cases it is the queer kids that were closeted and made fun of that are saying "Wouldn't it be funny if we turned it around on them for once?"
Ok but I think making that joke using someone else's minority status is pig behavior. But I was a teenager in the 90s when someone else thinking you're gay could get you an ass-beating or get you fired from your job or worse (Matthew Shepard). Being an ally to lgbt folks in a lot of ways meant keeping your mouth shut way more than it meant speaking out. Maybe it's different nowadays.
It is a lot different nowadays. Generally speaking yes, it's still considered a dick move to just out someone before they're ready. But that's not what this is. In this case it's less about the "Being Gay" as it is about Grindr generally being something these conservative family members are doing behind their wives' backs while also being openly homophobic.