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Any US Citizen who fails the Peter Griffin in a Fez test should immediately get not only a passport book, but also a passport card. It is only $30 extra, provides all the same proof of citizenship that a passport book does, and it is small enough to carry in your wallet. You shouldn't have to spend all this money to prove you belong here, but here we are.
Will ICE take it seriously when you present it to them? Of course not, they will say it is fake and confiscate it (and you). But at least you have your passport book safely at home, and your family can present it to get you out (once they find where ICE has whisked you off to). Assuming they manage to do all that, you now have the privilege of paying to sue the Federal Government for wrongful detention in order to get your card back so it doesn't happen again.
Are we tired of all the winning yet?
Sounds great again /s