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It's not really related to sex. Studies have shown that men and women are affected equally. Some political groups try to turn this into a men's issue to "prove" something. Other political groups want to silence everyone talking about men's issues (real or fictional). It's a pointless clusterfuck.
I do think it's fair to describe it as a men's issue. Because its usually describing loneliness caused by a disconnect with the image of masculinity you've been taught, and that which you actually exhibit. Everyone struggles with loneliness, but this is a specific kind of loneliness that is worth discussing in isolation.
My main issue with it is how a lot of men seem to think its referring to women not wanting them. It's a very easy term to feed their persecution complex.
Ah that last part makes sense as a criticism. Yes, I guess incels have taken this term to defend their sexism
Incels are not a male-exclusive phenomenon, you can find the same in women too with similar complains. Only the coping mechanisms are different.
Do you think it's because the are conditioned from birth that being married, or having many successful relationships with woman will make them wealthy and happy?
I haven't seen a study about male-specific loneliness so far. The same applies to female-specific loneliness. The patterns look rather similar.
I disagree with the sentiment that it can't be a useful term simply because you haven't found a peer reviewed study describing the phenomenon. I would like to see more research be done, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm seeing the issue directly in front of my eyes.
I only implied that it's not helpful to have political groups instrumentalizing the loneliness of men to push a certain agenda (which doesn't even do anything to get men out of their loneliness, rather the opposite). Nor is it helpful to stylize general loneliness into a sex-specific problem when all sexes are affected equally and with very similar patterns.
Can you describe what you mean by “disconnect with the image of masculinity you’ve been taught”
That is a very interesting statement but does not align with how it’s been described to me which is men can’t get laid and are horny and give up on women and just watch porn
I think it’s important to note the incels often mean “the women I think are hot won’t fuck me”
They could find a girlfriend if they improved their personality or lowered their standards but they don’t want to do that.
They can't. They're suffering from plenty of problems - body dysmorphic disorders, PTSD, OCD, personality disorders. They would need a lot of help. But who's going to help them? Nobody because they're rejected by everyone ouside of their peer group, for good reasons. And this keeps them in a loop.
I’m a recovering drug addict. Nobody wanted to help me, rejected by everyone who wasn’t a recovering drug addict.
I got out of the loop.
Good for you. But addiction is different from the mentioned mental issues, especially personality disorders. It's actually good to not receive help as an addict.
“It’s actually good to not receive help as an addict”
That’s… silly lol. Where did you pull that idea from?
It’s different because physical addiction is harder to deal with, you can die lol
I was also homeschooled in the Texas countryside as a kid… I understand being lonely… addiction is harder.
Experience. Not only my own but of everybody I've ever met who had contact with addicts. If you support an addict you're an enabler, ultimately making it worse.
I was talking about serious mental issues but whatever. Have a nice day.
Gay dude here, it seems to be. We have the loneliness epidemic here too, but we're actually organizing and fighting it, because we're used to do that. Our cishet counterparts are definitely not equipped to do that. Women are socalized much earlier than boys, and they're taught that the social order is theirs for keeping. Girls are simply raised to be better at this. By the time men realize what's happened with the natural funneling of friends through the parenting years - usually those late 20s and early 30s where it suddenly starts to become really difficult to overcome the friendship hump.
I can't comment on the whole incels taking hold of this concept, because it's something I've just had explained to me in the past week. I can definitely see the gender/sexuality lines on this in real life tho (I started and run a nonprofit to create community for GBT+ men in my state).