this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025

274 points (88.9% liked)

Not The Onion

18541 readers

1901 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

274

Man left with a broken arm because of the size of his penis (www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk)

submitted 2 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

119 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 183 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (5 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If mine was that big, I'd probably just stare it, too.

Also Tom Segura has a bit about seeing a guy with a large penis

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (3 children)

While I appreciate the link, I am absolutely not having that in my watch history. I really don't want recommendations based on…whatever that is

[–] tedd_deireadh@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh, c'mon! Where's your sense of adventure?

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It died when my bones started to creak

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Mr. Glass?

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Feels like it sometimes, ngl

Old age is probably worse, but middle age sucks

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

Not a very obfuscating username, Mr. Jackson. 🙇🏼‍♂️

[–] PhoreTwunny@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Yeah Tom Segura, yuck

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

He just described the bulge he sees and then tries to play it off like he wasn't staring at it. He says dick a bunch, and I think 1 fuck

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 20 points 2 months ago (2 children)

He just likes to brag & isn't evolved enough to have a detachable penis.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What a blast from the past!

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I don't even have to clock the link, and King Missile is now playing the hits in my head. 🤘🏼

edit: leaving it, as-is

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He does, however, have an enormous penis

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Anyone can acquire an enormous penis & just have it on display somewhere to soothe your day.

[–] tisktisk@piefed.social 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It takes one to know one, and buddy...you're not that guy

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

Thankfully, neither am I. 😅😶

[–] EvilEdgelord@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago

That sounds suspiciously jealous 😏

[–] ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too.As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

Sounds like he slipped on his penis