Ask Lemmy
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I'm almost 40 and this has been literally the hardest thing in the universe to do for my entire life. It doesn't help to do it, but to deny it feels like I'm lying to myself anyway.
I have the absolute worst double standard with this. You drop a pencil and "it's ok friend, it happens, no one is perfect." I drop a pencil and it's "wtf butterfingers jackass, you can't even hold a pencil properly no wonder you're still single." Lol
I phrase it as 'Never put yourself down. It gives people the perfect opportunity to agree with you.'
It's sort of like "if I keep quiet, they won't know how stupid I am!"
I can be the quiet "mysterious" (idiot)!
Or just a creepy weirdo. Whatever works Lol
I think putting myself down does help me. I was raised by a narcissist intent on making me their reflection. I put myself down to counteract 18 years of narcissistic conditioning. Granted, if you weren't raised to be a narcissist you probably shouldn't do it. I'm an edge case.
It doesn't help that our culture - especially internet culture - loooooooves self-deprecating 'humor'. We even put ourselves down for putting ourselves down! I've had a lot of success with trying to focus more on my triumphs than my failures. It's all about the language I use with myself, I've found. When I have a victory (even a small one), I say "Good job! You nailed it!". When I fail, I say "Well, that sucked....but you'll get it next time. Keep trying!". Most of us don't have our own personal cheerleaders, so we have to become our own. :)