Parenting

(Sorrynotsorry for the self plug. I decided it was worth posting on Mastodon first.)

Where I live, Germany, it is very common to spend weeks, sometimes even months, trying to slowly get a child used to going to day care. In my home country, the Netherlands, this wasn't really a thing when I was younger and, from what I've learned from people with young children there, isn't common even today. That got me thinking.

Are there many differences between countries when it comes to day care and specifically getting your children to go to day care in the first place?

We're currently getting our second child used to day care. For our first child the entire process took six weeks and represented the Idea trajectory - nobody was ill, she liked going there, she liked eating there and she didn't make a fuss when it was time to sleep there. Still, this represents a significant investment of time (and therefore money) for any working parent. Sometimes it seems really absurd and impractical. I get the impression that the entire day care system in Germany revolves around the idea that mothers don't work or, if they do, it's only ever part time.

How does this look like in other countries? I've linked an article (in German, but translation services are available) about the system we're stuck with here, if anyone wants to dive deeper.

When I was a kid, Staples ran a back to school ad where parents were rejoicing to someone singing "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" This is my fourth back to school as a parent and I still cannot relate whatsoever. I miss my little buddies. :(

The "protection of children" has been the cited reason for a lot of controversial laws and measures recently. A common response is that parents should use parental controls to manage that on their own instead of relying on the government to do it to everyone. I found this article interesting since it touched on how the existing tools aren't that good, and addressing that problem might be a better thing to focus on

Authors:

• Sara M. Grimes | Wolfe Chair in Scientific and Technological Literacy and Professor, McGill University

• Riley McNair | PhD Student in Information Studies, University of Toronto

Hi all! I'm a mod at !WomensStuff@piefed.blahaj.zone a trans inclusive woman only group. I'd really like to do some parenting posts. I'm not a parent so can't do good ones.

Would anyone be able to assist?

I just have to post this because I am soooooo tired of all the videos and stuff I see all over the internet about how dangerous YouTube Kids is. It isn't! It's actually fine! You don't have to let your kids have access to aaaaaallllll of the videos! There is a whitelist feature! It's literally part of the set up process! JFC! My children only have access to videos and channels I specifically chose for them! Like PBS Kids! Please spread the word so I can stop running into these goddamn fearmongering videos.

Does anyone have tips for breastfeeding while babywearing? I'd like to stop taking the baby out and then readjusting all the time (since she inevitably decides she's hungry as soon as she goes in the carrier).

I use both a stretchy wrap and a ring sling. The ring sling is okay enough while sitting down, but we have a regular hangout spot that I'm standing for 2hr.

My daughter will attend high school in Canada after spending 8 years in my home country's schooling system. Her dad is Canadian and she speaks English so I don't worry about language barrier. But Canadian public schools are very different from here. What can I do to help her adjust?

I just need to blabber about this a bit. My face still hurts, because I couldn't stop smiling the entire time. I took her to her first rave when she was eight months old and she's been joining me ever since, at least a couple times a year. I just love that she wants to share these experiences with me. I just love that she gets to see people from their best side and experience this little bit of completely untethered freedom and joy and fun.

I have so many wonderful memories - in a way it feels like yesterday when I was carrying her around or when she was playing all day and night with the other children, covered in mud head to toe. Cuddling up in the sleeping bag after a long, long day. To all the parents of young children here, it really is true: the days are long, but the years are short.

Now she's almost an adult and I know I need to let go. It's alright, it just makes the moments when we are close that much more precious. We had so much fun dancing, playing, sitting by the campfire just talking, talking, talking. She doesn't have to spend this time with me, but she wants to. That makes me feel so blessed.

I know I would love every version of her, but I just adore the adult she is becoming. These children we are raising, they are so much smarter than we are. They understand so much, and they are not afraid to care. She's so full of empathy and care and joy, absolutely fearless.

Oh, anyway, I need to stop or I'll go on forever. I just needed to shout this into the world or my heart would simply burst, lol. Anyway, have a wonderful week, hug your children and love them, love the, love them 🙏 💖 ✨

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/43455707

Highlight of my day, really

Our 11 year old told us that all her friends watched it already and everyone is talking about it so we watched it as a family last week together.

Since then the whole family is in K-Pop Deamon Hunters feever. The music io on the TV on heavy rotation, the 2.5 years old is totally excited, mom is watching all the behind the scenes videos and I'm reading about the producers and what they did before.

I remember the Frozen craze back then when my niece was little, I am getting the feeling that this movie has the same potential.

I'd say it's worth watching it as a family to understand the craze being it together with your kids, and what costumes you'll need to prepare for the next Halloween :D.

That's the best way I can describe it. Just neverending. Which sounds obvious but the actual experience of always having to parent, phew...

I'm not having the best day today. He's on summer break and hanging with me all day. We did okay yesterday but today it was just a domino of me feeling disappointed in myself that the house is always a mess and probably a level beyond that, like there's too much stuff to fit. But my own level of non-cleanliness has rubbed off on my kid cause there's no proper place to put his stuff. So I started cleaning then asked him to do some small tasks but I was feeling resentful for how he seems to just drop things wherever. I get it, you also got to teach them how to clean up and implement chores etc. and thus adds to the relentless grind of having to have these long term parenting plans but also try to be present in the moment and enjoy things and somehow have endless stores of patience. Today I definitely haven't. I've lost my shit and yelled and just let things domino out of control into a terrible grouchiness. I know some days suck and we get up and try again. Just wanted to get it out I guess. No advice needed. Just ranting to rant.

Hello,

I have two young kids and lately, I am having a lot of anxiety and sadness thinking about how the current climate crisis will affect them.

I also have regrets because I decided to have children while knowing about the climate crisis. At the time, I was optimistic, but no so much anymore.

It has been hitting me hard the last few days. How do you cope/deal with this as a parent?

Thanks

Paywall Bypass Link https://archive.is/H0Z9Z

I know it's not a big deal. But it's a nice day and my 12 year old is playing with another 12 year old neighborhood friend at our house, on this warm sunny day today. The kid got thirsty, he asked for "milk or something".

Here's the thing, my kid drinks water. Almost always water. We dont keep juice in the house, and the only soda ever brought in is for my 4 years sober husband who likes a 20oz coke zero once in a while. I mostly drink water too.

Why am I so annoyed the boy ran back to his house for mini cans of soda.. he offered one to my son, and sure it's fine. I'm not an jerk about it. My son can have one too, but water is the best thing for you outdoors in the summer. My son even got the kid ice in his cup. He took one sip of water, and ran home for sodas.

Ayeee. Im just venting.

I grew up on cool aid and juice boxes, I was a super unhealthy kid because of the options given to me. I think I've done well teaching my son how to know his own body, and he doesn't even care for soda too often, and it will take him over a day to finish off a Gatorade, because he just prefers water. He's 12 with shit brushing habits (when do they start doing it on their own without reminders) but he has no cavities or complaints from the dentist.

It just drives me nuts what giving so much sugar to kids does to their future habits. I've a few other memories of other kids who's parents let then be just as unhealthy. As an ex fat kid, it's abuse in my opinion to not teach kids health in their formative years. It sets kids up for a lifetime of poor eating habits and poor health. I got fit in my 20s, and it was the hardest thing ever, It would have been so much easier to learn healthy habits from the start.

My son has a "big" from the big brother big sisters program, dude is super active in his community, a fire fighter, and has also aided in teaching the importance of water for hydration. Everytime they hang out he brings his water bottle, they both do. It's just normal to have water all the time for us. I just get shocked a little when water isn't normal to drink by someone I guess.

I get having things once in a while, but watching this kid turn his nose to water, when they are running around on a hot day, just, gives me the heavy sighs. I'll quit being dramatic now, it just hurts cuz I wasn't healthy as a kid, and watching other kids go through that sucks.

Dad here. I love putting my kid to bed. For nearly a year she only wanted mommy to do it. But she asks for me mostly now, and I've been soaking it up. I love reading books. I love singing her to sleep. I love the little tired conversations.

I don't love all the attempts to delay bedtime... but we've got a decent routine that's taken most of the fights out of it.

I just wanted to share while I'm still feeling the glow of a successful putdown.

I hope y'all feel that joy when you can. Stay safe out there.

Edit (Feel like i need to put this up top): Some of yall think I'm intent on being a deadbeat and that I was in the "100% never want to have kids" boat and reluctantly obliged. It was a much more careful calculation than that and I decided to do it on my own. That was just for contrxt to explain my hesitancy. We planned this shit to a T from start to finish. I'm not asking for anyone to ridicule me for "fucking up". I'm asking for advice on the situation I'm in because there is no path backwards and I intend to be a baller dad regardless of how I feel about it. There are a lot of emotions you can easily force but this is not one of them. So all the dipshits telling me what I should have done before having this kid can eat a giant bag of used needles. That being said, thank you to all of the normal fucking people who can actually read a situation and offer helpful insight/advice instead of reverting to a bridge troll. I may not respond to all of the comments because of the volume but I am grateful for the support.

New dad of a 3wk old.

I always figured I'd have a kid(s) because...that's what you do right? My wife pushed me for years and wanted 5 kids. I always said we should start with 1, so here we are. I never truly wanted to have a kid for a whole list of reasons including climate change, growing instability, feeling like I already don't have time to do the things I want to do, not feeling like I have my shit together (on paper I do, but I don't feel like that), not understanding what it means to be "happy"...stuff like that.

During pregnancy, I took on essentially all household chores and made her hot breakfast before she left for work every morning at 5am. I never felt some primal compulsion to do all of this but she was struggling and I wanted to do what I could. I kept saying to myself that the paternal instinct would kick in at some point and banked on that.

When the kid was born and I held him for the first time, I felt nothing. Figured it would happen in time. 3 weeks in, I'm still on overdrive, doing essentially all chores, changing/feeding him through the night, and still feeling nothing besides growing resentment. I'm not a monster so I won't shake the kid or anything but I just feel no desire to do any of this. I always hated the sound of kids crying and wanted this kid to be different in that respect but I still hate it and my blood starts to boil the longer he cries (again, I'm not going to hurt this kid. I'm not a violent person).

The only pressure I feel to keep going is to not get arrested for neglect, and so my family/friends/colleagues dont think im a giant piece of shit. I feel no compulsion out of love for this child. I've had no "my whole world changed and I'd die for this kid" moment other than the fact that people would be real upset with me if I didn't die for him.

My wife has been struggling and I'm trying to get her to seek additional help (already sees therapist every 2 weeks) but she frequently spirals into a place where she feels like she can't do it or feels like a failure for not doing enough or direct breast feeding because he wouldn't stay awake while feeding (she's pumping like a champ. Our freezer has a gallon of milk already and im constantly playing up her wins). I keep doing what I can to calm her fears and anxieties which aren't specifically new but now have new context. I feel like if I break down at all, she won't be able to handle it and I have to constantly keep the mood/morale up because if I don't, everything will go to even deeper shit. She's the one who wanted 5 kids and I'm now the one holding it together for us. I feel like the TikTok/Instagram virus tricked her into thinking that motherhood was all beautiful flowers and spending quality time with her perfect baby but it's a lot of gross shit and hard work from recovery to breast feeding/pumping and diapers (although I'm changing 90% of the diapers). I was not nieve to any of this. I knew what it entailed.

Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever feel any compulsion to keep going like I am aside from legal and societal pressure. I can figure it out if it will never happen, but it would make things a whole lot easier if it did. I really want to love this kid and being a dad but at this point it's a job and I hate my job even though I'm killing it in the effort game. Literally the only good thing so far is that my mom is over the moon about the kid and it's the first time I've seen her happy since my dad died 2 yrs ago.

https://archive.is/DlV71

Thought this up yesterday.

The only thing flipped more often is USB-A.

(Translation: A nappy is a diaper)

As the school year wraps up, many children are keen for summer break. Summer means sunshine, and hopefully popsicles and lots of playtime. But for many families, summer also brings a combination of excitement and uncertainty.

In the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic, this transition may feel particularly challenging. In recent years, children across age groups have faced significant disruptions to their social and emotional development. Both parents and education experts say lockdowns and ongoing pandemic disruptions left lingering impacts, with some children still struggling with anxiety, emotional regulation, social skills and difficulties focusing in school.

As summer kicks off, an effective tool for parents and caregivers is kindness. In early childhood development, kindness serves as a foundation for empathy and strong relationships, both of which are essential for social-emotional learning (SEL).