altphoto

joined 1 month ago
[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago

I sleep in the couch next to the window. When I see anything moving, any light, I'm getting up and looking through the little window on top of the door. Nevermind the full side window, I want to be stealthy.... Lol.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 3 points 1 month ago

Speak the following sentences clearly to your phone's microphone:

I did not "silence" with that woman.
I am not a crook.
Poop in Spanish means shit.
Shit in Spanish could be anything.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago

...and the small towing tractor..... Ehhh, you mean the two things just fell even though they were already hooked together to go into storage? Or like was the tractor trying to save the plane? Or maybe the seas were really foken rough at the time? Like foken foken?

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 23 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Texas security guard on a grayhound: ma'am, are you pregnant or a fat guy?

Guy: Dude, its a bus! Everyone goes in the same toilet when its a bus! Wanna see my pee pee?

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 6 points 1 month ago

$3k, $5k, $20k. What's democracy mean to you?

I say let's make him the next Juliani.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You'll just need to let all officers go thru your stuff and touch your privates.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 3 points 1 month ago

I guess then I will not buy any appliance. Literally, every refrigerator, stove, TV etc that I buy, I first look at the power consumed and then the rating. Then okay we open it up to the scrutiny of my wife for the looks and other features. No way. If it comes to it, I'm bringing my own battery bank and measurement devices to test the appliances on site. The cost of owning a thing in the long run heavily includes how much it eats.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hey guys! I heard reddit has at least 3 people left. My cousin Fred, his wife Honny, and their friend Emma. I think its a threesome, but I can't prove it.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The progression is:

1 go to school.
2 graduate.
3 go to university.
4 get into so much debt
5 start working to repay.
6 the government makes you a criminal artificially.
7 die in prison.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 9 points 1 month ago

She's gotta get the next election fraud well planned is my guess.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 1 points 1 month ago

Now, stretching a wooden plank cuz he fucked up the cut, that's a real story from baby face Jesus. That or he was probably telling someone how stretching wood would happen before that someone got into heaven or something awful like that.

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