UndulyUnruly

You’re not alone! What you describe could be the consequences and manifestations of trauma for a person raised by emotionally immature parents.

As per your descriptions, it seems plausible that your parents may have failed in caring sufficiently for your emotional wellbeing as a a child/adolescent.

The resulting trauma of such circumstances is absolutely pernicious, destructive, and profoundly shapes (our difficulty to make sense of) social relationships, including what you describe: difficulty to love, be loved, and feel ready to accept and reciprocate intimacy.

I speak from experience, and I will recommend you a book, perhaps the context applies to you or others reading this. The audiobook is great and is read by the author if that’s your jam:

“Adult Children of Immature Parents - How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents” by Lindsay Gibson (she is a clinical psychologist).

I credit this book with changing my life, and I do not say this lightly. I have cried profusely with unspeakable relief to finally see the answers to my omnipresent questions. I literally yelped out in tears “Fuck yes, there it is! This is me!”

The book made me understand the circumstances of where I came from, how this impacted me and my relationships to those around me, and what I needed to do to go forward and allow myself to heal. Perhaps it resonates with you and helps you out.

If you struggle financially and you can’t afford the (audio)book, pm me.

Consider to continue to seek out professional support if possible. Don’t walk alone.

Much love.

This is c/selfhosted

It was probably the Argle. The circle is complete.

No surprise, I just made it up as just a moniker for a creature hitherto unbeknownst to mankind.

The Argle is here!