Queen___Bee

joined 2 years ago
[–] Queen___Bee@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

To add to what others have said, boundary-setting is a skill we develop over many social interactions. It may feel awkward or mean setting a boundary initially, but it's essential to maintain one's "social battery" and priorities/sanity.

Speaking of priorities, those are a good indication as to when setting boundaries is helpful. For example, you have an important appointment to get to, but a family member/friend is asking your help with something at around the same time. Communicating you have a prior engagement at the time of your appointment while being willing to help out after, or giving them suggestion on how else they can get the help they need, is you setting a boundary of what you can do with your time.

When we have concerns of feeling like an asshole, we want to consider from where that originates. Sometimes we've been raised around family members or "friends" who take advantage of another's kindness and treat people maintaining boundaries as the villain (e.g. "Why are you leaving us hanging?/ Why couldn't you help me/your Old Man out this one time?"). This is often a sign of emotional immaturity/ poor insight, empathy, and/or self-awareness. Healthy connections will respect your boundaries and maybe check in later if a raincheck is suggested. When interacting with people who don't respect "no" as a full sentence and answer, sometimes reminding them of our limits and empathizing with the person's situation can disarm them.